English as She is Wrote / Showing Curious Ways in which the English Language may be made to Convey Ideas or obscure them.

by Anonymous

And straightway into tears would melt, And say, "How badger must have felt!"

While he, the brute, woodchuck her chin, And say, "Aye-aye, my lass!" and grin.

* * * * * * *

Excuse these steers.... It's over now; There's naught like grief the hart can cow.

Jackass'd her to be his, and she— She gave Jackal, and jilted me.

And now, alas! the little minks Is bound to him with Hymen's lynx.

—Detroit Free Press.

While upon the subject of puns, we might quote the following, clipped from the "Graphic":

"On being consulted about it Spikes says that Uncle Sam aunticipates the transfer of the Indian Bureau to some mother department, and if this should father improve the condition of the children of the forest, in sondry ways, by cousin them to be more comfortable, it would be a niece arrangement and daughter be made." We are inclined, in nephew instances, to agree with the gramma, but not the spelling.

The "Graphic" is also responsible for the following English stanza transformed into Russian, said to have been found in a room after it had been vacated by Alexis while in this country. It is introduced as an example of how "she can be oddly wrote":