To be said to your inamorata, your lady love: What’s the difference between Jupiter and your very humble servant? Jupiter liked nectar and ambrosia; I like to be next yer and embrace yer!
When was wit a father? When a pun became apparent (a parent).
Why was Pharaoh’s daughter like a broker? Because she got a little prophet (profit) from the rushes on the bank.
Why is the treadmill like a true convert? Because its turning is the result of conviction.
What is the difference between a wealthy toper and a skillful miner? One turns his gold into quarts, the other turns his quartz into gold!
Why is a mad bull an animal of convivial disposition? Because he offers a horn to every one he meets.
How does a tipsy man generally look? Dizzy-pated!
Why is a drunkard hesitating to sign the pledge like a skeptical Hindoo? Because he is in doubt whether to give up his jug or not (Juggernaut).
What does a man who has had a glass too much call a chronometer? A watch-you-may-call-it!
What is the difference between a chess-player and an habitual toper? One watches the pawn, the other pawns the watch.