Why are Cashmere shawls like persons totally deaf? Because you cannot make them here (hear).
Why is a ship just arrived in port like a lady eagerly desiring to go to America? Because she is hankering after a voyage.
Why may the Commissioners for Metropolitan Improvements never be expected to speak the truth? Because with them mend-a-city (mendacity) is a duty.
When is a ball not a ball? When it is snowball (no ball).
Why is chloroform like Mendelssohn or Rossini? Because it is one of the greatest composers of modern times.
Why is a sword that is too brittle like an ill-natured and passionate man? Because it is snappish and ill-tempered.
Why are steamboat explosions like short-hand writers leaving the House of Commons? Because they go off with reports.
Why is the profession of a barrister not only legal, but religious? Because it involves a knowledge of law, and a love of the profits (prophets).
Why ought a superstitious person to be necessarily temperate? Because he is afraid of spirits.