Why would a great gourmand make a very clumsy dressmaker? Because the more he takes in, the more he tucks out.
Why is a baker the cheapest landlord but the dearest builder? He is the cheapest landlord when he can sell you a little cottage for twopence; when he is the dearest builder is when he charges you sixpence for a brick.
What is the difference between a man who has nothing to do and a laborer? The one gets a great deal of “otium cum dig.,” the latter a great deal of dig without otium.
Why should not ladies and gentlemen take castor oil? Because it’s only intended for working-people.
An ugly little fellow, that some might call a pet,
Was easily transmuted to a parson when he ate;
And when he set off running, an Irishman was he,
Then took to wildly raving, and hung upon a tree?
Cur, cur-ate, Cur-ran, currant!
Why is a gooseberry-tart, or even a plum-tart, like a bad dime? Because it’s not currant.
You like to pay a good price and have the finest work, of course; but what is that of which the common sort is best? Sense.
When you go for ten cents’ worth of very sharp, long tin-tacks, what do you want them for? For ten cents.