Why is a curtain lecture like darkness? Because it lasts from night till morning.
Why is a ship the politest thing in the world? Because she always advances with a bow.
Why is a good sermon like a kiss? Because it only requires two heads and an application.
Why should a thirsty man always carry a watch? Because there’s a spring inside of it.
Why is a well-trained horse like a benevolent man? Because he stops at the sound of wo (woe).
Why is a miser like a man with a short memory? Because he is always for getting (forgetting).
Why are clergymen like cabinet-makers when performing the marriage ceremony? Because they are joiners.
Why is it easy to break into an old man’s house? Because his gait (gate) is broken and his locks are few.
Why should the world become blind if deprived of its philosophers? Because there would be no seers.
Why are blacksmiths the most discontented of tradesmen? Because they are always on the strike for wages.