Child: "Mother, I have been good to-day—so patient with Nurse."
* * *
The schoolmaster was explaining what to do in case of fire. The pupils listened with respectful attention until he came to his final instruction.
"Above all things," he said, "if your clothing catches fire, remain cool."
* * *
Wife: "Yes, dear. I thought I'd buy you something you'd never think of buying for yourself."
Husband (as he gazes with horror at the canary-colored socks): "Yes, dear, and you have succeeded."
* * *
Podger (to new acquaintance): "I wonder if that fat old girl is really trying to flirt with me?"