He (just introduced): What a very homely person that gentleman near the piano is, Mrs. Black!
She: Isn't he? That is Mr. Black.
He: How true it is, Mrs. Black, that the homely men always get the prettiest wives!
* * *
A customer entered the small-town barber shop. "How soon can you cut my hair?" he asked of the proprietor, who was seated in an easy chair, perusing the pages of a novel.
"Bill," said the barber, addressing his errand boy, "run over and tell the editor if he's done editin' the paper I'd like my scissors."
* * *
Pompous Publisher (to aspiring novice in literature): I have been reading your manuscript, my dear lady, and there is much in it, I think—ahem!—very good. But there are parts somewhat vague. Now, you should always write so that the most ignorant can understand.
Youthful Authoress (wishing to show herself most ready to accept advice): Oh, yes, I'm sure. But, tell me, which are the parts that have given you trouble?