"Pardon me, ladies," said the gentleman. "It is my brother who is deaf."
* * *
A candidate for Congress from a certain Western state was never shy about telling the voters why they should send him to Washington. "I am a practical farmer," he said, boastfully, at one meeting. "I can plow, reap, milk cows, shoe a horse—in fact, I should like you to tell me one thing about a farm which I can not do." Then, in the impressive silence, a voice asked from the back of the hall: "Can you lay an egg?"
* * *
Doctor: "You are a great deal better this morning, I see. You followed my directions, and that prescription did the business—what, you haven't taken any of it?"
Patient: "No; it says on the label, 'Keep the bottle tightly corked.'"
* * *
"And about the salary?" said the movie star.
"Well," said the manager, "suppose we call it $5,000 a week."
"All right."