"Of course, you understand that the $5,000 is merely what we call it—you will get $500."
* * *
Prospective Employer: I suppose you have some experience of live stock?
Applicant for Post: Well, I ain't ever looked after 'orses, nor milked cows, and never 'andled poultry; but I've bred canaries.
* * *
A Scotchman had been presented with a pint flask of rare old Scotch whiskey. He was walking briskly along the road toward home, when along came a Ford which he did not sidestep quite in time. It threw him down and hurt his leg quite badly. He got up and limped down the road. Suddenly he noticed that something warm and wet was trickling down his leg.
"Oh, Lord," he groaned, "I hope that's blood!"
* * *
Mr. Graham: "Do you know, Miss F., if I had my way, I'd put every woman in jail!"