Supper being over, the old Man asks his Wife in the next Room, what Time of Night it was; the old Woman replied, it was past Eight of the Clock; at which, the old Man fell into a violent Passion, and scolded horribly at his Wife, for not taking Notice how the Time went away. The Doctor, hearing this Combustion, comes to know the Meaning of it: The old Man tells him, he is undone for ever; he has kept Mrs. Anne here so late that she is locked out of Doors, her Family being always in Bed by Eight of the Clock, and that, on this Account, the 'Squire will turn him out of his Service, by which he got his Livelihood. The Doctor pacifies him, by telling him, that, since this Thing must happen on his Account, he nor his Wife should never want as long as he lived. Well, says the old Man, Mr. Doctor, since you are such a charitable Man, I will put you in a Way to do your Business at once; if you should apply yourself to the 'Squire, he will hardly be brought to Terms; for, though you have a good Estate, yet I know the 'Squire will marry my Mistress to a young Man; and seeing you have now a fair Opportunity, having the Night before you, try to get her Consent, and take her away with you by Three or Four in the Morning to some Parson of your Acquaintance, and marry her: My Master will be soon reconciled, for he has no other Child to inherit his Estate. A good Thought, says the Doctor, and I will try what can be done in the Case.
You may be sure, Madam, now the Doctor attacks the Lady with all the Fury imaginable; the Silence of the Night and Want of Sleep, as I have heard those skilled in Love Affairs say, are great Advantages to an invading Lover; these are the best Times in which to storm a Lady's Fortress: This, I suppose, the Doctor well enough knew, and therefore carried on the Siege with Vigour, and, before Three in the Morning, the young Lady had capitulated, and surrendered upon Articles; which the Doctor tells the old Man of with abundance of Pleasure, who, you may be sure, bids the Doctor Joy: The Doctor desires the old Man to get him a Pillion, which, indeed, the old Man had before provided; and away goes the Doctor and his Lady, and were that Day married.
The Doctor did not stay long at the Place of Marriage, but privately returns to his own House, where he acquainted some of his Friends of his Enterprise, who highly applauded his Ingenuity; but he enjoined them all to Secrecy for some Time. The Doctor daily expected a Hue and Cry after Mrs. Anne; but, hearing nothing of it, he concluded the Servants had some how or other concealed the Story from her Father; but his Friends advised him by all Means to go to the Justice, and acquaint him with what he had done with his Daughter, and beg his Pardon for so doing, as a Means of Reconciliation.
The Doctor understanding the Justices of the Peace were to meet that Day about some particular Business in the Town; he went to enquire for the Justice, whom he only knew by Sight, and the Justice had no other Knowledge of the Doctor. The Doctor, in his best Pontificalibus's, comes to the Place of Meeting, which was an Inn, and asks the Drawer, whether Esquire —— was there; who answered, he was: He bids him shew him a Room, and go tell the Esquire, that Doctor —— desired to speak with him; the Esquire desires the Doctor to come to him and the rest of the Gentlemen, they having at that Juncture no Business before them; but the Doctor sends Word again that his Business was private, and he heartily intreated the Esquire to come to him, upon which the Esquire comes: The Doctor he falls on his Knees, and begs his Pardon; the Esquire was surprised, as knowing nothing of the Matter, and, being unwilling to be homaged by the Church, he desires the Doctor to rise, or otherwise he would talk no farther with him; the Doctor refused to do it till such Time as he had his Pardon: The Esquire, knowing of no Offence, freely gave him a Pardon; which done, the Doctor arises, telling him, he was sorry that one in his Coat should be guilty of such a Crime: The Esquire, being still in the Dark, replied, he knew no Crime he was guilty of: Sir, says the Doctor, I have married your Daughter: Married my Daughter, says the Esquire, you are certainly mistaken, Doctor. It is certainly true, says the Doctor. Says the Esquire in a great Passion, How long have you been married to my Daughter? I have lain with her these three Nights, says the Doctor: Says the Esquire, you are strangely mistaken, Doctor, for I left my Daughter at Home this Morning. Says the Doctor, you are strangely imposed upon by your Servants, therefore be so kind as to go to my House and see your Daughter, who is there at this present. The Esquire, in an odd Sort of Confusion, goes along with him to the House, and, being conducted into the Parlour where Madam sat in State on her Couch, the Esquire burst out into a Fit of Laughter, and, going to the Lady, salutes her, and wishes her much Joy, and then told the Doctor the Mistake; for, says he, this Lady is my Servant —— the Hedger's Daughter Joan, dressed in my Daughter's Cloaths. The Doctor, being astonished for some Time, recovers himself, comes up to her, takes her in his Arms, and, kissing her, says, If thou art Joan, I will love thee as well as if thou hadst been Mrs. Anne. And, for aught I know, she made him as good a Wife; for, though she perfectly kidnapped the old Child, yet they lived very comfortably together.
Politica. I can nick your Story with one of a Clergyman, that was as indifferent about a Portion as yours was curious. Mr. G——, a Minister in Suffolk, and of a considerable Estate, lived without Thoughts of Marriage, till the Age of fifty Years; at which Time one of his Parishioners put him in Thoughts of Matrimony. He said he had been so intent on his Studies, that he never thought of a Wife; but that now, if he could find out a good one, he would marry. The Gentleman told him, such a Person about twelve Miles off had three Daughters, either of which would make him a good Wife, but their Fortunes were but small; the Parson said, he knew the Gentleman very well, but did not know he had any Daughters; and, as for Money, that was a Thing he did not value. The Parson in a short Time gives the Gentleman a Visit, who made him very welcome, not knowing the Design of his Coming; but the Parson told him, that he heard he had three Daughters, and one of them would make him a good Wife. The Gentleman replied, he had three Daughters, and that he hoped they would prove to the Satisfaction of any Person who should marry them, and told him either of them was at his Service: The Parson said, they were all alike to him; but, since it was usual to marry the Eldest first, he would take her; the Gentleman replied with all his Heart. Upon which the eldest Daughter was called in. The Parson, sitting in his Chair, and smoaking his Pipe, told her, he had heard she would make him a good Wife: The young Lady, surprised, told him, she did not know that, but did believe she should be a good Wife to any one that should marry her. The Parson put the grand Question, Whether she would have him? She told him, Matrimony was a Thing of that Moment, as required a great deal of Consideration, and not to be so speedily determined. He told her, his Studies would not allow him a long Courtship; and, pulling out his Watch, laid it on the Table, and told her, he would give her an Hour's Time to consider of it. Away goes the Girl, but, believing it to be a Banter, she thought very little on that Subject; the Parson having looked on his Watch, and finding the Hour was gone, he desired the young Lady might be again called in: When she came, the Parson shewed her the Watch, telling her the Hour was past, and that he hoped she had considered of what he had spoke to her about; she told him, that, it being a Matter of such great Consequence, it required a much longer Time than he had set for that Purpose: The Parson hereupon began to fret, and told her further, He found she would not have him, and therefore he desired his Horse to be brought out, for he would be going Homewards. The Gentleman pressed him to continue longer; withall, telling him, though the Eldest required so much Time for Consideration, perhaps the Second might not.
The Parson was hereby prevailed upon to smoak another Pipe, and the Second Daughter was brought in, to whom he carried himself as to the former, and also allowed her an Hour's Time to consider of it. You may be sure, during this Time, the Father and Mother worked the Girl to say, Yes, as plain as if she had been in the Church: The Time being elapsed, the Parson was impatient to go Home, Wife or no Wife, he was so indifferent. The Girl was now called in, and the Parson asked her, Whether she had considered of the Matter? She answered, Yes. Then will you have me? She answers, Yes. Very well then, says the Parson to the Father, all is done but Matrimony; and when shall that be? When you please, says the Father. Then, says the Parson, let it be on Tuesday next. But, says the Father, who shall get the Licence? I will take Care of that, says the Parson; and so, taking Leave of the Father, away he goes. When he had gone about three or four Miles, and thinking of the Licence, he remembered he had not taken his Wife's Christian Name, and so he rode back again as hard as he could drive, and, riding up to the House, he found the eldest Daughter standing at the Door, so he asked her what was her Christian Name? She told him; he bid her a Good-Night, and away he goes.
The Day being come, and the Licence being got ready, the Parson comes to fetch his Wife; away goes the Father with him, and his three Daughters, and two or three other Relations, to the Church, where the Parson and Clerk were ready to make Matrimonial Execution: The Parson asked the Father and Parson G——, which of the Daughters was to be married; they answered the second Daughter; but the Parson told them the first Daughter's Name was in the Licence, and therefore he could not marry them till they had got another Licence. Parson G—— told them, he could not defer it any longer, and therefore he would be dispatched somehow or other, and told them it was all one to him which of them he had, and so he goes to the Eldest, and asks her whether she would have him? And she, having better considered of the Point, answered Yes, and so they were married.
From Church they went Home to her Father's House, where, having dined, he tells his Wife she must put up such Things as she designed to carry Home with her, for he would quickly be going Homewards: The Relations begged of him to stay all Night, and bed his Wife at her Father's House, it being the usual Custom so to do; he told them, he would lie no where but at his own House, and that he would be going presently. The Relations finding no Arguments would prevail upon him to tarry, they got Mrs. Bride ready; and the Parson, coming to the Door, espied several Horses ready saddled and bridled; he asked, what the Meaning of those Horses Was? They told him, for some of his Wife's Relations, to accompany him Home; he said, no Body should go along with him but his Wife; and so they were forced to stable their Horses, and let the married Couple go Home by themselves.
When they came Home, he conducted her into the House, and saluted her, which was the first Time; and, after he had bid her Welcome, and they had sat about Half an Hour, the Parson calls the old Maid, and bids her bring the Spinning wheel, and told his Wife, he did not doubt but she was a good Housewife, and knew how to make Use of that Instrument: She told him, Yes; then he tells her, he did expect she would work while he was at Work, and no longer; so away goes he to his Study, and Mrs. Bride to Working with the Whirling-engine; about an Hour after he comes down and tells her, now she must leave Work, and bids the old Maid get Supper ready. After they had supped, he goes into his Study, and she to her Spinning-wheel; when he returns again from his Study, he tells her, now she must leave Work; after a short Discourse, he went to Prayers with the Family, and then orders the old Maid to light her Mistress up Stairs, and put her to Bed.