I shall esteem it no trouble (reply'd the Gentlewoman) to tell you any thing I can, that may be serviceable to you; especially, if it may but prevail with you to leave off a Calling that is so hazardous as well as wicked—But that will be more proper to discourse, when I have given you the Constable's Relation; and that I shall give you in his own words; which were as follows:
Being resolved, if possible, to prevent all that Debauchery that is acted in the Streets of this great City every Night, I dress'd up my self as like a Beau as possibly I could, and then taking my short Staff in my Pocket, I went t'other Night abroad, to see what Discoveries I could make: And as I went along the Strand, I met with a young Woman by the New Exchange, who pretending to stumble, catch'd hold of my Coat, to save her self from falling, and begg'd my Pardon for her Rudeness: I soon understood her meaning, and looking upon her to be one of those Cattle I was in quest of, I ask'd her whither she was going? She told me as far as Sheer-Lane, to an Aunt of hers, where she Lodged, and she should be glad of my Company; by which, being confirmed in what I before thought, I bid her go on, and I would follow her, which I also did: and coming to the place said he, I found there an old wither'd Bawd, who presently had us into a Room, and ask'd us what we wou'd drink? I told her what the young Woman pleas'd; who hereupon call'd for a Bottle of Ale. I told her I cou'd'nt drink, and therefore bid her call her Aunt to drink with her: The old Woman coming in, I bid her sit down, and ask'd her, how long she had follow'd that Trade; What Trade, Sir, says she? Of keeping Nieces, said I: For I understand you are this young Woman's Aunt. O Sir, said she, you are a merry Gentleman. I have followed this Trade of being an Aunt, ever since Age made me uncapable of being a Niece. That's a long Time ago, said I; but I believe it had been better for you to have gone a Nurse-keeping, then a Neice-keeping. That's your mistake Sir, says she: For as old as I am, I had rather hear a young Girl and a brisk Spark Sing their Song by Turns, than to hear an old Man grunting a Bed, and be oblig'd to hang my Nose continually over a Close-Stool or a Chamber-Pot. A Glass of good Ale or Wine now and then, or a Dram of cool Nantz, is more chearing to my old Spirits, than to be sipping and tasting a little Stale Pearl Cordial or Juleps, or indeed any Apothecaries Slop. Well, said I, you are a cunning old Woman; but pray let me talk now to your Neice a little. Pray, how many such Aunts have you? Why, truly Sir, said she, I have one at every corner of the Town, and lodge sometimes with one, and sometimes with another, as I have occasion. Well but, said I, had you not better go to Service then be burdensome to your Freinds? No, Damn it, says she, I had rather be my own Mistress, and go to Bed and rise when I will, then to be curb'd by every Snotty Dame. I remember once, said she, I met with an old Master, who had a Colts Tooth in his Head, and he would be smugling me, and kissing me in a corner, tho his Breath was enough to turn my Stomach: but for the sake of a rusty Shilling now and then, I was content to humour him. But when once my Mistress came to know it, I had a Peal rung about my Ears, with the Tongs, and was forc'd to pack out of Doors. Another time, I met with a young Master, and an old Dame, and he wou'd always watch for an opportunity to catch me making the Bed when my old Mistress was abroad at Market, or else sat wrapt in Flannel by the Kitchen Fire; and with a thousands Langushing Looks and soft Expressions, he would wish his Wife were as young and as handsome as I: or that she was dead that he and I might make a match on't. By which means I was betray'd to part with my Virgin-Treasure, and lick the Butter off my old Mistresses Bread, with a very good Appetite. At last, the rising of my Belly discover'd what I would willingly have conceal'd; this caus'd me to be turn'd out of Doors, and left to provide for my self and a Child. Which, when I was brought a Bed, I dispos'd to a poor Woman, who got her Living with it, by begging in the Streets. And then finding I cou'd'nt be free from Mens solicitations whilst a Servant, I e'en betook my self to the present Employment, wherein I meet with Men enough, and am at no care, to provide for Children.—When she had given an Account of her Life, said the Constable, I then thought it was time to reprove them. And, addressing my self to the Wench, said I, Would it not now have been a great Mortification to you, if instead of following you to your Lodgings, I had deliver'd you to a Constable, who had made you sit up all Night in the Round-house, and sent you next Morning to Bridewell, to beat Hemp for your Living. The young Slut nothing daunted by what I had said (says the Constable) presently pluck'd up her Coats, and told me she'd find me other Business to do. I seeing that pull'd out my Short Constables Staff, and told her she didn't know her Danger, and had therefore best forbear her Impudence, or I should quickly make her sensible that I had Power to punish her. This put both the Old Woman and her self into a great fright; and altering her Tone, she prayed me not to molest 'em and they would gratifie me any way imaginable. And the Old Woman prayed me not to be severer to her then others of my Office had formerly been: For, said she, this is not the first time that I have been threatted in this manner, and I never yet found a Constable, nor indeed scarce a Justice of Peace whom it was not in my Power some time or other to oblige, either by my Purse, or in the way of my Trade. For I have such fine Women at my Command, continued she, as are able to Charm the most insensible Persons. I then told them, says the Constable, That good Advice was meerly thrown away upon 'em, but I wou'd take another Course that was more effectual; and so (says he) calling the Watch, they were both sent that Night to the Counter> and the next day to Bride-well; where they are still beating Hemp. And this Course (said the Constable) I intend to take, as often as I meet with any of them.
When the Constable had made an End, my Husband and I both applauded his Conduct. And tho' I have once been overcome; yet I resolve never to be guilty of the like Folly again. Nor is it yet too late for you to repent said the Goldsmith's Lady to the Bawd; tho you have run through so long a course of Wickedness; which if you still continue in, will sooner or later bring you to certain ruine.
Well, said the Bawd, I thought to have serv'd you, by the way of Gratitude, for your kindness and Liberality to me, in my way of Business: But seeing you are otherwise determined, I thank you for your Advice: and am very glad that by my Discourse and seeing the Errors of my Life, you may come to rectifie your own: My advice herein being the same with that of a late great Debauchee, that writ a Book of his Life,
Read, but don't practice: For the Author finds
They that live honest, have most quiet minds.