Maggie: “What’s wrong with the car? It squeaks dreadfully.”

Patty: “Shure and it can’t be helped; there’s pig-iron in the axles.”


Mistress: “Mary, were you entertaining a man in the kitchen last night?”

Mary: “That’s for him to say, mum. I was doin’ the best I could with the materials I could find.”


Pat Rooney was a new arrival on the job. Having gone to the top of the building and failed to return, the foreman shouted up:

“Come on, Pat, what’s keeping ye?”