An Irishman came to a doctor complaining that he had noises in his head.
“Oi have them all the time,” he said, “an’ sometimes Oi can hear thim fifty feet away.”
“Phwat koind av a room would yez loike to hov, sor? Oi can giv’ yez a back room in the front av th’ house, or a front room in th’ back av th’ house jist to suit yer inconvaynience; or Oi can giv’ yez number sixty-six or ninety-nine, jist to suit yer inconvaynience—No. 66 is th’ broidle chamber, but we kape th’ broidle out in th’ shtable.
“Oi can giv’ yez another lovely room in th’ middle av the front av th’ hotel, sor—it’s a lovely place; there do be carpet on th’ floor; air cushion sofys an’ bir-rds-eye maple chif’niers an’ runnin’ hot an’ cold wather passin’ th’ door, whoile th’ bath-tubs are always supplied wid gold fish; th’ room is loighted wid indecent lamps thot are supplied wid electricity, bur-rnin’ noight an’ day in th’ shtreet, an’ a tooth-brush in ivery room.”
“Say, Mr. Clerk, there’s a lady without!”
“Widout phwat; widout phwat?”
“Without here, in the hall, sir.”
“That’s all right; show her up in th’ parlor; Oi’ll be up in a minute.”