If your acquaintance or friend is from home, leave a card,[1] whether you call in a carriage or not. If in the latter, the servant will answer your inquiry, and receive your card; but on no account ask leave to go in and rest; neither urge your wish if you fancy that the lady whom you desire to see is really at home, or even if you flatter yourself that she would make an exception in your favor. Some people think that the form of words, "Not at home," is readily understood to mean that the master or mistress of the house have no wish to see even his or her most intimate friends. However this may be, take care that you do not attempt to effect an entrance.
[ 1 ] When the caller is about to leave the city for a protracted absence, it is usual to put the letters P. P. C. in the left hand corner of the card; they are the initials of the French phrase, "pour prendre congé"—to take leave, and may with equal propriety stand for presents parting compliments.
Visits of courtesy or ceremony are uniformly paid at Christmas, or at the commencement of a new year, independently of family parties; a good old custom, the observance of which is always pleasing, and which should be carefully attended to. It is uniformly right to call on patrons, or those from whom kindness has been received.
In visiting your intimate friends, ceremony may generally be dispensed with.
Keep a strict account of your ceremonial visits. This is needful, because time passes rapidly; and take note how soon your calls are returned. You will thus be able, in most cases, to form an opinion whether or not your frequent visits are desired. Instances may however occur, when, in consequence of age or ill health, it is desirable that you should call, without any reference to your visits being returned. When desirous to act thus, remember that, if possible, nothing should interrupt the discharge of this duty.
Among relations and intimate friends, visits of mere ceremony are unnecessary. It is, however, needful to call at suitable times, and to avoid staying too long if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society, as already noticed, must ever be maintained, even in the domestic circle, or among the nearest friends.
In leaving cards you must thus distribute them: one for the lady of the house and her daughters—the latter are sometimes represented by turning up the edge of the card—one for the master of the house, and if there be a grown up son or a near male relation staying in the house, one for him. But though cards are cheap, you must never leave more than three at a time at the same house. As married men have, or are supposed to have, too much to do to make ceremonial calls, it is the custom for a wife to take her husband's cards with her and to leave one or two of them with her own. If, on your inquiring for the lady of the house, the servant replies, "Mrs. So-and-so is not at home, but Miss So-and-so is," you should leave a card, because young ladies do not receive calls from gentlemen unless they are very intimate with them, or have passed the rubicon of thirty summers. It must be remembered, too, that where there is a lady of the house, your call is to her, not to her husband, except on business.
Morning calls may be divided into three heads: Those paid at the time already specified; weekly visits to intimate friends, or by young persons to those advanced in life; and monthly visits, which are generally ceremonious.
With respect to the first, be very careful that you do not acquire the character of a day goblin. A day goblin is one of those persons who, having plenty of leisure, and a great desire to hear themselves talk, make frequent inroads into their friends' houses. Though perhaps well acquainted with the rules of etiquette, they call at the most unseasonable hours. If the habits of the family are early, you will find them in the drawing-room at eleven o'clock. It may be they are agreeable and well-informed people; but who wishes for calls at such a strange hour! Most families have their rules and occupations. In one, the lady of the house attends to the education of her children; in another, domestic affairs engross a portion of the morning; some ladies are fond of gardening, others of music or painting. It is past endurance to have such pursuits broken in upon for the sake of a day goblin, who, having gained access, inflicts his or her presence till nearly luncheon time, and then goes off with saying, "Well, I have paid you a long visit;" or "I hope that I have not stayed too long."
A well-bred person always receives visitors at whatever time they may call, or whoever they may be; but if you are occupied and cannot afford to be interrupted by a mere ceremony, you should instruct the servant beforehand to say that you are "not at home." This form has often been denounced as a falsehood, but a lie is no lie unless intended to deceive; and since the words are universally understood to mean that you are engaged, it can be no harm to give such an order to a servant. But, on the other hand, if the servant once admits a visitor within the hall, you should receive him at any inconvenience to yourself. A lady should never keep a visitor waiting more than a minute, or two at the most, and if she cannot avoid doing so, must apologize on entering the drawing-room.