"No, you must give me a longer start than one day; however, I have experienced your wind and dust—both horrible!"
"Admitted," she answered with a nod, "but we Britons need not give ourselves airs, for it is a well-known historical fact, that the Romans fled out of our country, because they couldn't stand the climate!"
"Mrs. Brander, you are the latest from school, so I dare not presume to argue, but hitherto I have been under the impression, that an incursion of the Huns, recalled the legions."
"Well, don't let us quarrel over such a trifle," she rejoined with a shrug. "This is your first dinner in Madras—I wonder what strikes you particularly?"
"I'm afraid you'll be shocked, and think I'm frightfully greedy, when I answer, the dinner itself! We might be at the 'Ritz,' or Buckingham Palace."
"Oh, I see you are not aware that this old city is celebrated for its cuisine, and Sunday tiffins. The native is a born cook, and our French predecessors instilled into him some very sound ideas, with respect to sauces, soups, soufflés, and omelettes. No doubt, formerly, the nabob who lived here, regaled himself and friends on rich food, mountainous pilaws, and molten curries. Those days are gone; also the times when the very boldest woman dared not enter that chamber of horrors,—her cook-house."
"Why?"
"For fear of what she might discover! I pass over the story of 'master's sock,' and other well-authenticated details. The hand of the butler no longer inscribes a startling menu, and you are spared the alarming promise of 'Cold Roast Lion, and D——d Turkey'!"
"Oh, come, I say!" ejaculated Mallender.
"I could tell you of still worse items, but nous avons changé tout cela. Now, the menu is in French, and the food is of the daintiest description. To me, the best of it all is, that the sudden incursion of half a dozen unexpected guests at a moment's notice has no appreciable effect on the chef's temper! Everything comes up to time, and there is neither fuss nor skimping. I may whisper to you, that it is a good thing to encourage your cook, put him on his mettle, and, so to speak, lard him with flattery! So much for cooks, and for their employers! I suppose you know scarcely any of the present company?"