"No, but I'll be most grateful for information. I've made one awful blunder already."
"Oh, have you! Do tell me all about it?" she asked eagerly.
Seldom had Mallender seen a face of such gay animation; for all its snub nose, it was more piquante, attractive, and vivid, than that of many a placid beauty. As he merely smiled, and shook his head, she continued: "Then I'll be generous, and tell you what happened to me, at my first Indian dinner-party. I was sent in with a young man—fairer than either of us. He was just out from home, and made himself agreeable, and when I enquired if he knew any of the guests? and he said 'yes,' I immediately indicated two women opposite, and said, 'they are as black as my ayah, who are they?' and he promptly replied, 'The stout lady is my grandmother—the thin one, my mother.'
"I shrieked with laughter, at what I took to be a joke; but when at the end of the evening I saw him march away, arm in arm with the fat dark lady, I nearly fainted."
"I don't wonder," said Mallender. "Thanks to you, I am now warned, and shall ask no questions."
"Then shall I take your questions for granted, and point out some of the company? The man opposite is Sir William Bream—isn't he like an old sea-lion? So large and inflated, with great dull eyes, and a beard."
"Yes, and since you bring the Zoo to dinner, may I ask you to tell me about the long-necked, long-nosed man, whose self-contained air recalls my dear friend the King Penguin?"
"That is Mr. Arnfield, a prominent member of the Bar, and the local dramatic society. His elocution is marvellous, and on Sundays, he always reads the lessons; one morning, he upset the whole congregation, when at the end of the second lesson, he slammed the Bible, and announced in a stentorian voice, 'Now Borrobas was—a rabbit!' I do hope, you are not shocked, are you? I am too thankful I did not happen to be in church, for I know I should have disgraced myself, and been ignominiously removed by the verger."
"And I should have joined you!—kindly continue your valuable information."
"Well, the little elderly lady with a face like a piece of wash-leather, lemon-coloured hair, and diamonds, is Mrs. Fiske, widely known as 'The Acidulated Drop.' Her chief talent is fiction."