Merry Christmas, Billy:—
This is the time and this is the town. It is Christmas and there is no town that needs it more than this one does. In Chicago when a fellow puts on a polished shirt front he usually comes in with a polka dot at least, but here it changes from a laundry polish to a shoe polish.
Here we are, right in the midst of the festal season. Dug and I have been trying a new kind of liquor every day for a week to get the exact right thing for the holidays. Queer about Christmas, Billy, there seems to be something in the air that makes a duffer want to give something to every guy who is worse off than he is.
I saw a hard looking old dub on the street on Christmas morning; he did not seem to know which way to turn; his clothes were whole, but had been worn shiney. He had no overcoat and his old plug hat looked as though it had done duty for many a year. I touched him on the shoulder and said to him:
“Come with me, old man, and take a drink.” The old man looked surprised.
“I don’t drink, sir,” said he, “and it would be better for you if you did not, either.”
“All right, old man,” said I, “I admire your principles, but I deplore the loss of so much fun on your account, and by the way,” said I, noticing how drawn and pinched the old man’s face looked, “if you wouldn’t waste so much money on grub and put a little of it into good whiskey for yourself, it would help out your looks a heap.”
I imagined the old man looked hurt at something I had said and not wishing to hurt anyone’s feelings on Christmas morning, I handed him a dollar and left him. He seemed to take the dollar reluctantly and I felt then that I must have touched the old man’s pride.
As we walked down the street I noticed we were followed by a couple of nicely dressed gentlemen, and I also noticed that they were wonderfully pleased about something; in fact, they seemed to be immoderately pleased for they were laughing good and plenty. As they came close to us I turned and said to them:
“If that is a jag you have you ought to have divided it with some one else; it will hurt you to carry that load all day.”