The maid had been using surreptitiously the bathtub of her employer, an elderly bishop. He was a bachelor, very fastidious about his toilet, and desired the exclusive use of his tub.
He reprimanded the maid with much indignation:
What distresses me most, Mary, is that you have done this behind my back.
A certain minister in a certain flock took permanent leave of his congregation in the following manner:
Brothers and Sisters: I come to say good-bye. I don’t think God loves this church, because none of you ever die. I don’t think you love each other, because I never marry any of you. I don’t think you love me, because you have not paid my salary. Your donations are moldy fruit and wormy apples, and by their fruits ye shall know them. Brothers, I am going to a better place. I have been called to be chaplain of a penitentiary. Where I go ye cannot come, but I go to prepare a place for you, and may the Lord have mercy on your souls. Good-bye.
Sister Henderson, said Deacon Hypers, you should avoid even appearance of evil.
Why Deacon, what do you mean? asked Sister Henderson.