“I’ve just had some good news,” said Bearnstean, upon meeting his friend Mr. Abrahams. “My son Solly has got a commission in the Army.”

“Go on,” replied Abrahams, rubbing his hands; “how much?”

NOT HIS KIND OF JEWELRY

Tommy: “Look ’ere, Jack, now you’re for Blighty, why don’t you make up to Kitty? Go in and win, mate! Upon my life she’s a regular pearl!”

Jack: “That may be, but I can’t stand the mother of pearl.”

MORE DANGEROUS, ALSO

Corp—Can you think of anything more unmilitary than putting your hands in your pockets?

Sarg—Sure! Putting your hands in somebody else’s pockets.

SAME IN ALL LANGUAGES