“‘It’s so dark that when I go to the opera I take a trained glow worm with me.
“‘He’s a wealthy man, indeed—he’s got a whole box of matches in his pocket.’”
NOW ON A WAR-BASIS
His Honor—“Rufus, didn’t you hear that you had to work or fight?”
Rufus—“Yaas, boss, I sho’ dun hyer dat. So I goes an’ gits married right away.”
HUMANITY IN WAR
During a fierce engagement on the Somme battlefield a British officer saw a German officer impaled on the barbed wire between the lines, writhing in anguish. The fire was heavy, but still the wounded man hung there. At last the Englishman could stand it no longer. He said quietly: “I can’t bear to look at that poor chap.” He went out under the storm of shell fire, released the sufferer, took him on his shoulders and carried him to the German trench. The firing ceased. Both sides watched the act with wonder. Then the commander in the German trench came forward, took from his own bosom the Iron Cross, and pinned it on the breast of the British officer.
FLATLY IMPOSSIBLE
“Yes,” said Simpkins, “I want to do my bit, of course, so I thought I’d raise some potatoes.”
“Well, I thought I would do that,” said Smith, “but when I looked up the way to do it I found that potatoes have to be planted in hills, and our yard is perfectly flat.”