Letters to Persons Who Are Engaged in Domestic Service

by Catharine Esther Beecher

to stand, so that it is often that riches are a curse rather than a blessing.

Why is it so common to see the children of rich parents growing poor and vicious, while the children of the poor grow up industrious, virtuous and rich? It is because the children of the rich are brought up in ease and indulgence, while the children of the poor are brought up to industry and self-denial. If any person will count up the rich men in our country, he will find, that not one in ten had rich parents. And then if he will look at the descendants of rich families he will find, that probably more than half are very poor, and a great many are miserable vagabonds in society.

I mention these things to lead you to realize, that your happiness in this life consists not in being rich, or well dressed, or in any outward advantage, but rather in such a character as enables you to meet the duties and trials of your lot with patient cheerfulness, and faithful diligence.

I will now mention some of the trials which domestics are most frequently called to endure, and point out the proper way of meeting them.

One of the greatest and most frequent trials of domestics is, the fault-finding to which they are constantly exposed. Now, whether a person deserves to be blamed or not, this is a great trial to the patience. If we are to blame, we not only are pained to see the mischief we have done, but we are pained to be reproached by others, and at the same time to feel that it is indeed our own fault, and that we deserve it. If we are not to blame, it seems very hard to be upbraided, but in many cases this is not half so hard to bear, as to be blamed when we know we deserve it.

Now there are two dangers to which we are exposed from this cause. If we live with a person who finds fault a great deal, the first danger is, that we shall grow sullen, or irritable, and then show a bad temper, by disrespectful and angry words and deportment. The other danger is, that we shall become so used to it as not to care any thing about it. I have seen the children and domestics of women who find fault a great deal, look and act as if they did not care one cent about what was said to them, and sometimes they look as if they were

more amused than pained at the anger and impatience displayed by those who rule over them.

Now, it is our duty, if we really have by forgetfulness, or ignorance, neglected or illy performed our duty, not only to be sorry, but to show those whom we have thus troubled, that we feel sorry. Nothing so soon ends such troubles, as for the person who has done wrong to appear as if she was really sorry for it. Whenever therefore you have your mistakes or faults pointed out, do not seek to justify yourself, and do not, if possible, show any anger. If you feel irritated, do not speak till you can speak without anger, and then say, “I am sorry,” or something else of the kind, that shows regret on your part for the trouble you have caused. After you have said this, then is the proper time to tell your excuses. If you begin to justify or excuse before you have expressed any regret, in nine cases out of ten, it does more harm than good. Another thing will very much aid you in bearing this evil, and that is, trying to imagine yourself in the situation of the one you have displeased, and thinking

whether you should do any differently yourself. How do you behave when you depend on some child or companion to do something, and by ignorance or carelessness the thing is left undone or is spoilt? Do you shut up your mouth and utter not a word of complaint, or fault-finding? Try for one week to go without finding fault with any body, or any thing that crosses your plans or wishes, and see how hard it is to refrain!

Now a housekeeper is constantly having things done wrong, or not done at all, which she feels anxious to have accomplished properly, and it is one of the most difficult duties in the world to bear silently and patiently all these vexations and disappointments. You should therefore try to feel kindly for these troubles of your employer, and when you see her patience fails, think how many cares and perplexities she meets, and how difficult you would find it, if you were in her place, to bear them patiently.