Letters to Persons Who Are Engaged in Domestic Service

by Catharine Esther Beecher

There is another thing you must consider, and that is, that many women think it is their duty always to tell the persons whom they employ

whenever they do wrong, and they do not suppose that it is wrong to show anger and impatience at such trials. At least, they talk as if it was right for them to manifest anger and impatience, if there is just cause for displeasure.

Very few persons are aware how much better it is not to speak at all, when they are angry, and how much more good it does to talk with children and domestics about their faults or mistakes, in a kind way, when neither side feels out of humour. There are a great many women who would be more considerate and careful in this matter, if they only supposed it was their duty so to do. And here you should inquire of yourselves too, “Do I feel it to be a duty not to complain, or find fault when I feel angry? Can I command my temper and tongue so as not to reply in angry and disrespectful tones when others blame me? Do I set a guard on my lips, that I sin not with my tongue? Do I every day pray to God to enable me to be patient at the faults of others, and meek in receiving rebuke for my own? Do I, when I have sinned by angry tones and

language, confess my sin to Christ, and ask for his strength to enable me to follow his example of meekness and patience?” Let any of us try ourselves with these questions, and we shall be much more meek and patient, when hearing the complaints or upbraidings of those whom we have troubled.

There is another method, which, in many cases, will be of great service. Many amiable and excellent women, really do not know how much they do find fault, nor how severe and unpleasant are their tones and manner. If, therefore, you find yourself very much tried in this way, seek some opportunity of conversing with your employer, when both feel kindly to each other. And then, in a respectful manner tell her, that if she will not find fault quite so often, or will tell your faults to you, at times when neither you or she feel disturbed in mind, that it will be a great deal pleasanter to you to serve her, and that you shall be much more likely to try to do your duties well. Such a measure as this, will be far better than to speak out your mind at times when she is reproving you, when both feel angry or impatient. I think a

time will come, when both parents and employers will feel it to be a duty to refrain from finding fault when they are angry, and make it an object to wait, until by calm reflection they can say the most judicious things in the most judicious manner. And if you wish to have this period arrive, remember you can do something towards hastening it, by trying to form such a habit yourself. And then, if you ever become the employer of a domestic, you will be prepared for this most important part of your duty.

Another trial, to which domestics are exposed, is a neglect of their comfort and convenience by their employers.

Sometimes domestics have not comfortable rooms and beds; sometimes, the proper conveniences for work are not provided; sometimes they have so much required that they have not time for rest, and for taking care of their clothes; sometimes they are obliged to leave their meals before they have done, to wait on the family; sometimes the children of the family vex and incommode them; sometimes they are treated harshly and rudely; sometimes the mistress of

the family does not know how to plan work, and more is exacted than they can perform, or needless trouble and work are caused. Now there are two ways of preventing these evils, to a certain extent. One is, by making proper terms with an employer beforehand. It is a good plan for a domestic, always to inquire of an employer, before she agrees to come, respecting all these matters. It is always proper, to inquire about the conveniences in the kitchen, and to ask how much time you probably can have to do your own sewing, and whether you shall be allowed to sit undisturbed at your meals, and whether you shall be allowed to send the children out of the kitchen when they trouble you, and finally, to find out as much as you can beforehand, as to the kind of work that will be expected. Let these things all be talked over and understood beforehand, and many occasions for hard feeling and discontent will be saved on both sides.

After you come into a family, you will, in most cases, find some inconveniences and annoyances that you did not expect. In such cases, do not be angry or out of patience, but