Letters to Persons Who Are Engaged in Domestic Service

by Catharine Esther Beecher

bear them quietly, till you have a good chance to talk with your employer about them. Then simply state the trouble you experience, and if it can be remedied consistently, she probably will do it, and if it cannot, then make up your mind to bear it patiently and good humouredly. I have seen domestics go on, day after day, complaining and fretting about troubles, that often would be entirely removed, if they would go, in a pleasant and respectful way, to their employers and state their wishes. It is always best to take it for granted, that your employers are kind and reasonable people, for if they are not, it is the surest way to lead them to become so.

A keeper of a prison once asked a man who had been removed from his care to another prison, what the reason was that he behaved so much better with his new keeper. His reply was, “He treats me like a man, and so I behave like a man; but you treated me like a dog, and so I behaved like a dog.”

Now this prisoner was a fair picture of us all in this respect. If people treat us as if they think that we wish and intend to do all that

is generous and right, it is a strong influence to lead us to do so. But if we are treated as if it was expected that we should act unreasonably and wrong, it is a strong temptation to lead us to do so. And this anecdote contains a very important truth, that it would be wise for domestics, as well as employers, to bear in mind.

There is another trial that domestics often feel, which I have before alluded to. It is the fact that they are called “servants,” and are liable to be treated with disrespect or contempt, by persons who fancy themselves a little above them in rank. But my friends, this is a trouble which all classes have to experience, and some almost or quite as much as you. The mechanic’s daughter, or the sempstress, may call you servants, and feel above you, but some rich men’s daughters call them “only mechanics’ daughters,” or “only sempstresses,” and feel as much above them. And these rich men’s daughters find persons who will call them “vulgar rich folks,” and feel very much above them, because they themselves have some advantages of family or education, that those they look down upon do not possess. We find that it is

common to call persons who have wealth and education, “ladies,” and persons who have no education, and labour for a support, “women.” And if a person who considered herself among the first, should hear a person say, “there is a woman in the parlour,” instead of saying, “there is a lady in the parlour,” she would in some cases feel offended. What is the reason of this? She is a woman, why is she not pleased to be called so? Why simply because persons whom she regards as below herself are so called. Now this is exactly the case with you. You do not like to be called by the same name as is given to slaves in this land, and to the degraded servants of other countries. And it is probable every body would have something of this feeling, and therefore every well-bred person, who knew, that this name of servant was disagreeable to you, would not use it, unless from long habit it was difficult to remember to call you by another name. But you must not allow yourselves to be offended because people do not always know your feelings on this point, or do not always remember to regard your wishes.

Try to be polite yourselves to the poor Africans whom you regard as below you, and then you will find that you sometimes fail in this duty yourselves, and will learn not to judge so severely of those who fail towards you. True politeness and good breeding will lead every body to avoid whatever needlessly troubles others, however humble in life.

On this point I have felt some perplexity myself. Probably if I were in your place, I might not wish to be called a servant, just as many persons I associate with, choose to be called “ladies” instead of “women.”

As we must have some name to give to persons in your station, I have inquired what one is suitable. Now I cannot tell what would be agreeable to you all. But I know what I should like myself. The word domus signifies home, which is one of the dearest and pleasantest words in the world.

The word “domestic,” is made from this word domus, and it signifies, one employed in doing the work at home, and therefore it has a very pleasant idea connected with it. I cannot find any word in the dictionary to use for