Miss Beecher's Domestic Receipt Book / Designed as a Supplement to Her Treatise on Domestic Economy

by Catharine Esther Beecher

The happy medium is secured, by a course of real kindness in manner and treatment, attended with the manifestation of a calm determination, that the plans and will of the housekeeper, and not of the domestic, shall control the family arrangements.

When a good domestic first begins to insist that her views and notions shall be regarded, rather than those of the housekeeper, a kind but firm stand must be taken. A frank conversation should be sought, at a time when nothing has occurred to ruffle the temper on either side. Then the housekeeper can inquire what would be the view taken of this matter in case the domestic herself should become a housekeeper, and hire a person to help her; and when the matter is set before her mind in this light, let the “golden rule” be applied, and ask her whether she is not disposed to render to her present employer what she herself would ask from a domestic in similar circumstances.

Much trouble of this kind is saved by hiring persons on trial, in order to ascertain whether they are willing and able to do the work of the family in the manner which the housekeeper wishes; and in this case, such written cards as have been exhibited in previous pages can be read, or some member of the family can go around for a day or two, and show how everything is to be done.

There is no department of domestic life where a woman’s temper and patience are so sorely tried, as in the incompetence and constant changes of domestics. And therefore, there is no place where a reasonable and Christian woman will be more watchful, careful, and conscientious.

The cultivation of patience will be much promoted, by keeping in mind these considerations in reference to the incompetence and other failings of those who are hired.

In the first place, consider that the great object of life to us is not enjoyment, but the formation of a right character; that such a character cannot be formed, except by discipline, and that the trials and difficulties of domestic life, if met in a proper spirit and manner, will, in the end, prove blessings rather than evils, by securing a measure of elevation, dignity, patience, self-control, and benevolence, that could be gained by no other methods. The comfort gained by these virtues, and the rewards they bring, both in this and in a future life, are a thousand-fold richer than the easy, indolent life of indulgence, which we should choose for ourselves.

In the next place, instead of allowing the mind to dwell on the faults of those who minister to our comfort and convenience, cultivate a habit of making every possible benevolent allowance and palliation. Say to yourself—“Poor girl! she has never been instructed, either by parents or employers. Nobody has felt any interest in the formation of her habits, or kindly sought to rectify her faults. Why should I expect her to do those things well which no one has taken any care to teach her? She has no parent or friend now to aid her but myself. Let me bear her faults patiently, and kindly try to cure them.”

If a woman will cultivate the spirit expressed in such language, if she will benevolently seek the best good of those she employs, if she will interest herself in giving them instruction, if they need it, and good books to read if they are already qualified to understand them, if she will manifest a desire to have them made comfortable in the kitchen, and in their chambers, she certainly will receive her reward, and that in many ways. She will be improving her own character, she will set a good example to her family, and in the end, she will do something, and in some cases much, to improve the character and services of those whom she hires. And the good done in this way goes down from generation to generation, and goes also into the eternal world, to be known and rejoiced in, when every earthly good has come to an end.

It is sometimes the case, that the constant change of domestics, and the liability thus to have dishonest ones, makes it needful to keep stores under lock and key. This measure is often very offensive to those who are hired, as it is regarded by them as an evidence both of closeness and of suspicion of their honesty.

In such cases, it is a good plan, when first making an agreement with a domestic, to state the case in this way. That you have had dishonest persons in the family, and that when theft is committed, it is always a cause of disquiet to honest persons, because it exposes them to suspicion. You can then state your reasons as two-fold: one to protect yourself from pilfering when you take entire strangers, and the other is to protect honest persons from being suspected. When the matter is thus presented, at first hiring a person, no offence will be taken afterwards.