Miss Beecher's Housekeeper and Healthkeeper / Containing Five Hundred Receipes for Economical and Healthful Cooking; also, Many Directions for Securing Health and Happiness

by Catharine Esther Beecher

In regard to appropriate dress, in most cases it is difficult for an employer to interfere directly with comments or advice. The most successful mode is to offer some service in mending or making a wardrobe, and when a confidence in the kindness of feeling is thus gained, remarks and suggestions will generally be properly received, and new views of propriety and economy can be imparted. The knowledge which is so important to every woman, contained in the chapter on Clothing, is as much needed in the kitchen as in the parlor. In some cases it may be well for an employer who, from appearances, anticipates difficulty of this kind, in making the preliminary contract or agreement, to state that she wishes to have the room, person, and dress of her servants kept neat and in order, and that she expects to remind them of their duty in this particular if it is neglected. Domestic servants are very apt to neglect the care of their own chambers and clothing; and such habits have a most pernicious influence on their well-being, and on that of their children, in future domestic life. An employer, then, is bound to exercise a parental care over them in these respects.

There is one great mistake, not unfrequently made, in the management both of domestics and of children, and that is, in supposing that the way to cure defects is by finding fault as each failing occurs. But instead of this being true, in many cases the directly opposite course is the best; while in all instances much good judgment is required in order to decide when to notice faults and when to let them pass unnoticed. There are some minds very sensitive, easily discouraged, and infirm of purpose. Such persons, when they have formed habits of negligence, haste, and awkwardness, often need expressions of sympathy and encouragement rather than reproof. They have usually been found fault with so much that they have become either hardened or desponding; and it is often the case that a few words of commendation will awaken fresh efforts and renewed hope. In almost every case, words of kindness, confidence, and encouragement should be mingled with the needful admonitions or reproof.

It is a good rule, in reference to this point, to forewarn instead of finding fault. Thus, when a thing has been done wrong, let it pass unnoticed till it is to be done again; and then a simple request to have it done in the right way will secure quite as much, and probably more, willing effort, than a reproof administered for neglect. Some persons seem to take it for granted that young and inexperienced minds are bound to have all the forethought and discretion of mature persons, and freely express wonder and disgust when mishaps occur for want of these traits. But it would be far better to save from mistake or forgetfulness by previous caution and care on the part of those who have gained experience and forethought; and thus many occasions of complaint and ill-humor will be avoided.

Those who fill the places of heads of families are not very apt to think how painful it is to be chided for neglect of duty, or for faults of character. If they would sometimes imagine themselves in the place of those whom they control, with some person daily administering reproof to them in the same tone and style as they employ to those who are under them, it might serve as a useful check to their chidings. It is often the case that persons who are most strict and exacting, and least able to make allowances and receive palliations, are themselves peculiarly sensitive to any thing which implies that they are in fault. By such, the spirit implied in the Divine petition, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” needs especially to be cherished.

One other consideration is very important. There is no duty more binding on Christians than that of patience and meekness under provocations and disappointment. Now the tendency of every sensitive mind, when thwarted in its wishes, is to complain and find fault, and that often in tones of fretfulness or anger. But there are few servants who have not heard enough of the Bible to know that angry or fretful fault-finding from the mistress of a family, when her work is not done to suit her, is not in agreement with the precepts of Christ. They notice and feel the inconsistency; and every woman, when she gives way to feelings of anger and impatience at the faults of those around her, lowers herself in their respect; while her own conscience, unless very much blinded, can not but suffer a wound.

“We can not in this country maintain to any great extent large retinues of servants. Even with ample fortunes, they are forbidden by the general character of society here, which makes them cumbrous and difficult to manage. Every mistress of a family knows that her cares increase with every additional servant. Trained housekeepers, such as regulate the complicated establishments of the Old World, form a class that are not, and from the nature of the case never will be, found in any great numbers in this country. All such women, as a general thing, are keeping, and prefer to keep, houses of their own.

“A moderate style of housekeeping, small, compact, and simple domestic establishments, must necessarily be the general order of life in America. So many openings of profit are to be found in this country, that domestic service necessarily wants the permanence which forms so agreeable a feature of it in the Old World.

“Again, American women must not try with three servants to carry on life in the style which in the Old World requires sixteen. They must thoroughly understand, and be prepared to teach, every branch of housekeeping; they must study to make domestic service desirable, by treating their servants in a way to lead them to respect themselves, and to feel themselves respected; and there will gradually be evolved from the present confusion a solution of the domestic problem which shall be adapted to the life of a new and growing world.”

It is sometimes the case that the constant change of domestics, and the liability thus to have dishonest ones, makes it needful to keep stores under lock and key. This measure is often very offensive to those who are hired, as it is regarded by them as an evidence both of closeness and of suspicion of their honesty.

In such cases it is a good plan, when first making an agreement with a domestic, to state the case in this way: that you have had dishonest persons in the family, and that when theft is committed, it is always a cause of disquiet to honest persons, because it exposes them to suspicion. You can then state your reasons as twofold: one to protect yourself from pilfering when you take entire strangers, and the other is to protect honest persons from being suspected. When the matter is thus presented at first hiring a person, no offense will be taken afterward.