There is one rule which every housekeeper will find of incalculable value, not only in the case of domestics, but in the management of children, and that is, never to find fault at the time that a wrong thing is done. Wait until you are unexcited yourself, and until the vexation of the offender is also past, and then, when there is danger of a similar offense, forewarn, and point out the evils already done for want of proper care in this respect.
Success in the management of domestics very much depends upon the manners of a housekeeper toward them. And here two extremes are to be avoided. One is a severe and imperious mode of giving orders and finding fault, which is inconsistent both with lady-like good breeding and with a truly amiable character. Few domestics, especially American domestics, will long submit to it, and many a good one has been lost, simply by the influence of this unfortunate manner. The other extreme is apt to result from the great difficulty of retaining good domestics. In cases where this is experienced, there is a liability of becoming so fearful of displeasing one who is found to be good, that, imperceptibly, the relation is changed, and the domestic becomes the mistress. A housekeeper thus described this change in one whom she hired: “The first year she was an excellent servant; the second year she was a kind mistress; the third year she was an intolerable tyrant!”
There is no domestic so good that she will not be injured by perceiving that, through dependence upon her, and a fear of losing her services, the mistress of the family gives up her proper authority and control.
The happy medium is secured by a course of real kindness in manner and treatment, attended with the manifestation of a calm determination that the plans and will of the housekeeper, and not of the domestic, shall control the family arrangements.
When a good domestic first begins to insist that her views and notions shall be regarded rather than those of the housekeeper, a kind but firm stand must be taken. A frank conversation should be sought at a time when nothing has occurred to ruffle the temper on either side. Then the housekeeper can inquire what would be the view taken of this matter in case the domestic herself should become a housekeeper and hire a person to help her; and when the matter is set before her mind in this light, let the “golden rule” be applied, and ask her whether she is not disposed to render to her present employer what she herself would ask from a domestic in similar circumstances.
Much trouble of this kind is saved by hiring persons on trial, in order to ascertain whether they are willing and able to do the work of the family in the manner which the housekeeper wishes; and in this case some member of the family can go around for a day or two, and show how every thing is to be done.
There is no department of domestic life where a woman’s temper and patience are so sorely tried as in the incompetence and constant changes of domestics; and therefore there is no place where a reasonable and Christian woman will be more watchful, careful, and conscientious.
The cultivation of patience will be much promoted by keeping in mind these considerations in reference to the incompetence and other failings of those who are hired.
In the first place, consider that the great object of life to us is not enjoyment, but the formation of a right character; that such a character can not be formed except by discipline, and that the trials and difficulties of domestic life, if met in a proper spirit and manner, will in the end prove blessings rather than evils, by securing a measure of elevation, dignity, patience, self-control, and benevolence, that could be gained by no other methods. The comfort gained by these virtues, and the rewards they bring, both in this and in a future life, are a thousand-fold richer than the easy, indolent life of indulgence which we should choose for ourselves.
In the next place, instead of allowing the mind to dwell on the faults of those who minister to our comfort and convenience, cultivate a habit of making every possible benevolent allowance and palliation. Say to yourself, “Poor girl! she has never been instructed either by parents or employers. Nobody has felt any interest in the formation of her habits, or kindly sought to rectify her faults. Why should I expect her to do those things well which no one has taken any care to teach her? She has no parent or friend now to aid her but myself. Let me bear her faults patiently, and kindly try to cure them.”