Great wisdom is required in the government of children. For parents to properly govern their children they need that wisdom and direction which comes from above. There are so many different natures which must be controlled in as many different ways, making it impossible to fix certain rules for all. However all these different dispositions among our children must be met. “If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God.”
Many parents ask. “At what age shall we begin to train and govern our child?” Wisdom makes answer, “From the beginning.” You can train your babe to nurse regularly, say every two hours, or to stifle his cries, you can nurse him irregularly, and make him a cross, fretful babe by over and irregular feeding. Your babe will sleep sweetly and soundly upon its little bed, but you can very early accustom it to be rocked to sleep so it will not go to sleep unless [pg 261] it is rocked. Nature never designed that we be tossed to and fro in order to go to sleep. What is man's experience on board a ship in a rough sea? He becomes dizzy, nervous and sick, and when he steps upon the land he walks like a drunken man. The infant's first rock in the cradle has a similar effect. Its little muscles are strained to prevent falling. Its brain is dashed about until it becomes dizzy, but which it soon learns to enjoy because of the peculiar sensation.
Your little babe sees some bright object and reaches out its little hands to take it. You know it ought not to have it. It may injure itself with it, so you say, “No, baby can not have this.” Then baby begins to cry. You try to quiet him. You try to turn his mind and attention somewhere else, but, no, he keeps his eye on the forbidden object and cries the harder. At last to quiet him you give it to him, even if you have to hold to one end to keep him from hurting himself. Baby has now learned a very valuable lesson, which he is not going to forget. He has learned that if he cries long enough and hard enough he can obtain what he desires.
As he grows older he becomes more determined to have his way. When company comes you want your boy to give the rocker to the lady, but no, the little man prefers the rocker for himself. You endeavor to remove him by force, but he kicks and bites and holds tight and cries very loud, and you call him [pg 262] a naughty boy, and give up the struggle. Then you begin to tell the ladies about your boy, how he will have his way and you can not do anything with him; that you sometimes whip him, but it does not do him any good. You are educating your child out of your control.
If you desire your child to obey you, be kind, loving and firm. Scolding is never in order, but does great harm. Unhappy and unholy is the home where children obey only through fear. So deal with your little ones that obedience is gained through love. So rarely is such obedience obtained that many have concluded it can not be accomplished. It is natural for children to love their parents, and if parents deal with their little ones in love and kindness they can make home the most desirable place on earth to them.
To rule by physical force is not government. It is a most pitiful sight to see a child fear and tremble before a parent's stern looks and cross words. There is a way, though but few have found it, of mingling tenderness with firmness that demands obedience in respect and love. It brings a joy to the parents' hearts to behold their child obeying willingly. By the help of God such obedience can be obtained. Some one may ask, “Would you never punish a child?” Yes; it is sometimes necessary, but not so often as many have supposed. Training, and not arbitrary government is what is the more successful.
Give Attention To Your Child.
It takes but little to wound the tender feelings of a child. It is not the angry look and cross word only that sends the little one away in tears; but oftentimes it is neglect. What may seem to us as a very little thing, or small achievement, may be a very great thing to the child, and a notice and an encouraging word has a good and lasting effect. Your little boy has done a piece of work, and done it poorly enough to be sure, but to him it is done in the most artistic style. Do not depress his spirit by showing your disapproval, but encourage him by telling him that it does very well for a child; then kindly help him to see how he can make it still better.
You should not become so absorbed in your occupation that you can not stop to notice the newly drawn picture. If the child's interruptions are too frequent, in kindness teach him that papa is not to be interrupted now. By all means show a deep interest in your children. Help them to see that you delight to make things pleasant for them. Do not make them feel that they are servants. Have pleasant conversations with them. Read some good story to them, or better still, tell them one; not a “fairy-tale,” but something real. We have seen parents who scarcely ever spoke to their children only when reproving. Take them with you to the meeting. Take them with you if at all convenient when you go on your charitable errand. Take them for a drive. Take [pg 264] them to the woods and the fields, and there tell them of God.
Many opportunities will be afforded for you to show an interest and an appreciation in your child. Give him your attention and you will win his love and obedience and make him feel that there is freedom at home. Neglect him, treat him with indifference, and you will make his little heart cold and make him feel he is your slave.