"Should I enumerate all the rogueries and robberies I committed," continues our autobiographer, "either singly, or with others, relating in what manner they were done, I should waste too much time, and miss that design which I purposed to myself, which is the general good of my countrymen; wherefore I shall pass them all by, not so much as mentioning the last robbery I was guilty of, near Colnbrook, when pursued by the country, opposed and apprehended by them, to the loss of our own, and the blood of some of them, the manner whereof is too generally known to be again repeated."
That is exceedingly disappointing: for what was then "generally known" is now almost forgotten, and only to be recovered with much trouble.
He then, omitting all reference to the killing for which he was hanged and gibbeted, proceeds to enlarge upon the ways, manners, and customs of the highwaymen, "those devouring caterpillars of a corrupt and polluted nation," as he styles them.
"I shall insist upon what is more profitable," he declares, "and discover, first, what a highwayman is; how bound by oath; what order is prescribed; in what manner they assault; and how they behave themselves, in and after the action. In the next place my best endeavour shall be to dissuade these desperadoes to desist robbing on the highway, by showing them the certainty of their apprehension one time or other; and though they may a long time prosper in that vile course of life, spending high and faring deliciously, yet every bit is attended with fear; neither is their sleep less unquiet, starting ever and anon by some horrid dream; so that I cannot say when they go to bed they go to take their rest, but only to slumber out the tedious minutes of the gloomy night in horror and affrightment. I shall insist on other dissuasions, by showing them the misery of a prison; by putting them in mind of their wretched and cursed ends, which they vainly jest at, by presuming on some examples of grace; and the reward of their wickedness in the world to come. Lastly, instructions, not only for the honest traveller that he may pass in safety, but for the innkeeper to distinguish highwaymen from guests that are honest; all these I shall with sincerity run over particularly."
"Highwaymen for the most part are such that were never acquainted with an honest trade, whom either want of money or employment prompted them to undertake these dangerous designs; and to make their persons appear more formidable, and to gain respect, they dub one another 'colonel,' 'major,' or at least a captain, who never arrived to a greater height than a trooper disbanded, or at the utmost a lifeguards-man cashiered for misdemeanour.
"Having made up a party, ere they proceed to act their villainies, they make a solemn vow to each other, that, if by misfortune any one should be apprehended, he shall not discover his complices: and that if he be pressed hard to particularise his companions, he must then devise names for men that never were, describing their persons, features, and discovering their habitations, but so remote one from another, that the danger of the trial may be over ere sufficient inquiry can be made.
"And further, to procure mercy from the bench, there must be a plausible account given, how you fell into this course of life: fetching a deep sigh, saying that you were well born, but by reason of your family falling to decay you were exposed to great want, and rather than shamefully beg (for you knew not how to labour), you were constrained to take this course as a subsistence; that it is your first fault, which you are heartily sorry for, and will never attempt the like again.
"Having taken a solemn oath to be true one to another, their next business is to acquaint themselves, by means of the tapsters, ostlers, chamberlains, or others, what booties are stirring, how contained, and whither bound. But before they attempt the seizure, if there be any novices in the company, then they are instructed by the more experienced, as I was at first, after this manner.
"In the first place, you must have a variety of periwigs in your lodgings, and the like you must carry with you, if occasion require the necessity of changing the colour of the hair: neither must you be without your false beards of several colours. For want of them, you may cross your locks athwart your mouth, which is a good disguise: patches also contribute much thereto. And lest your voice should be known another time by him that is robbed, put into your mouth a pebble, or any suchlike thing, which will alter your tone advantageously to your purpose.
"Being thus provided, a watchword must be framed, wrapped up in some common question, as 'What's o'clock?' or 'Jack, what shall we have for supper?' As soon as these words are used, you must instantly fall to work, seizing with your left hand the traveller's bridle, and with your right presenting a pistol. This so terrifies that he delivers instantly, for who will trust a pistol at his breast loaded with a brace of bullets, and a mouth discharging at the same time volleys of oaths, that if he deliver not instantly he is a dead man? But here you may please yourself whether you believe him, for a highwayman will be very cautious of murder, for fear of provoking the law to an implacability, unless it be when he is beset, when, rather than run the risk of being seized, he will endeavour to escape by killing one or more of his assailants.