“The good friar was much moved at finding me so jocular when I ought to be so serious, and began to preach to me a loud and a long sermon upon the parable of the lost sheep, and the repentance of the good thief. But the charity bells that ring when criminals are executed knolling in mine ears, made a deeper impression than the loud and impressive voice of the friar. I therefore kneeled down before my ghostly father, and cleared the store-house of my sins, and poured forth a dreadful budget of iniquity. He then gave me his blessing, and poor Batson seemed prepared to take his flight from a world of misfortunes and insults.
“But, having previously presented a petition to the marquis D’Este, then commanding officer, he at that critical moment called me before him. He, being a merciful man, respited my sentence, and sent me to the galleys for ten years. Some friends farther interfered, and informed the marquis, that the accusation and sentence against me were effected by the malice of the captain, who was offended because I had insisted for the whole of my listing money. The result was that he ordered me to be set at liberty, to the disappointment of my captain, together with that of the multitude and the executioner.
“The deadly fright being over, and my mind restored to tranquillity, I went forth to walk, and to meditate upon what method I was now to pursue in the rugged journey of life. Every man has his own fortune, and, as good luck would have it, I again met with a recruiting officer, who enlisted me, and, from partiality, took me home to his own quarters. The cook taking leave of the family, I was interrogated if I understood any thing in that line. To this I replied, as usual, in the affirmative, and was accordingly installed into the important office of a cook.
“In the course of a military life, my master took up his winter residence at Bavaria, in the house of one of the richest men in those parts. To save his property, however, the Bavarian pretended to be very poor, drove away all his cattle, and removed all his stores to another quarter. Informed of this, I waited upon him, and acquainted him that, as he had a person of quality in his house, it would be necessary to provide liberally for him and his servants. He replied, that I had only to inform him what provisions I wanted, and he would order them immediately. I then informed him, that my master always kept three tables, one for the gentlemen and pages, a second for the butler and under officers, a third for the footmen, grooms, and other liveries; that for these tables he must supply one ox, two calves, four sheep, twelve pullets, six capons, two dozen of pigeons, six pounds of bacon, four pounds of sugar, two of all sorts of spice; a hundred eggs, half a dozen dishes of fish, a pot of wine to every plate, and six hogsheads to stand by. He blessed himself, and exclaimed, ‘If all you speak of be only for the servants’ tables, the village will not be able to furnish the master’s.’ To this I replied, that my master was such a good-natured man, that, if he saw his servants and attendants well provided, he was indifferent to his own table; a dish of imperial stuffed meat, with an egg in it, would be sufficient for him. He asked me of what that same imperial stuffed meat was composed? I desired him to send for a grave-digger and a cobbler, and while they were at work, I would inform him what there was wanting. They were instantly called. I then took an egg, and putting it into the body of a pigeon, which I had already gutted with my knife, said to him, ‘Now, sir, take notice; this egg is in the pigeon, the pigeon is to be put into a partridge, the partridge into a pheasant, the pheasant into a pullet, the pullet into a turkey, the turkey into a kid, the kid into a sheep, the sheep into a calf, the calf into a cow; all these creatures are to be pulled, flead, and larded, except the cow, which is to have her hide on; and as they are through one into another, like a nest of boxes, the cobbler is to sew every one of them with an end, that they may not slip out; and the grave-digger is to throw up a deep trench, into which one load of coals is to be cast, and the cow laid on the top of it, and another load above her; the fuel set on fire, to burn about four hours, more or less, when the meat being taken out, is incorporated, and becomes such a delicious dish, that formerly the emperors used to dine upon it on their coronation-day; for which reason, and because an egg is the foundation of all that curious mass, it is named the “imperial egg-stuffed meat.”’ The landlord was not a little astonished, but after some conversation we understood each other, and my master left the matter to my care.
“In the course of my negotiations with the landlord, I incurred the displeasure of my master, who, discovering my policy, came into the kitchen, seized the first convenient instrument, and belabored me most unmercifully. He was, however, punished for his rashness, by the want of a cook for two weeks.
“The scoundrels of the French were audacious enough to pay us a visit while we remained here. I was ordered out with the rest, but I kept at the greatest distance, lest any bullet should have mistaken me for some other person. No sooner did I receive the intelligence that the French were conquered, than I ran to the field of battle, brandishing my sword, and cutting and slashing among the dead men. It unfortunately happened, however, that, as I struck one of them with my sword, he uttered a mournful groan, and, apprehensive that he was about to revenge the injury done to him, I ran off with full speed, leaving my sword in his body. In passing along, I met with another sword, which saved my honor, as I vaunted that I had seized it from one in the field of battle.
“While thus rambling through the field of blood and danger, my master was carried home mortally wounded, who called me a scoundrel, and cried, ‘Why did not you obey me?’ ‘Lest, sir,’ replied I, ‘I should have been as you now are.’ The good man soon breathed his last, leaving me a horse and fifty ducats.
“Being again emancipated from the bonds of servitude, I began to enjoy life, and continued to treat all my acquaintance so long as my money would permit. The return of poverty, however, made me again enlist under the banners of servitude.
“About this time a singular occurrence happened to me. I chanced to go out into the street, when my eyesight was so affected, that I could not discern black from green, nor white from gray. Observing the candles suspended in a candle-maker’s shop, and taking them for radishes, I thought there was no great harm though I should taste one of them. Accordingly, laying hold of one, down fell the whole row, and being dashed to pieces upon the floor, a scuffle ensued; I was taken into custody, and made to pay the damage, which operated to restore my sight to its natural state.
“Not long after this adventure, I was assailed with love for the fair sex, and, after some sighs and presents, I was bound to a woman for better or for worse, and continued with her until the charms of the marriage state and the pleasures of domestic life began to pall upon me, and an ardent desire to return to my old course of adventure took possession of my mind. Towards the attainment of this desirable end, I one day kicked my wife out of doors, dressed myself, and prepared to sally forth. I had no sooner effected this liberation, than a tavern was my first resting-place to recruit my spirits and to redeem lost time.