Most young wives do not have an orgasm in the early days of marriage and so should not be distressed if they do not experience it on the wedding night. In Terman’s study of several hundred wives, less than twenty-five per cent stated they had orgasm at first intercourse. Another twenty-five per cent said they experienced it within a few days or weeks. Another twenty-five per cent roughly stated that they experienced it sometime between the first month of marriage and the twelfth month. And the remaining wives said they had either never experienced it or did not experience it until one or more years after marriage.
In scoring these same women on their marriage happiness, Terman found that those women who did not experience orgasm within the first year were significantly less happy in marriage than those who had been able to achieve it within the first year. More than half of the happiest husbands and wives seemed to be those in marriages where the wife had orgasm within the first few months of marriage.
It should be remembered however that the presence or absence of orgasm is not necessarily a criterion of marriage happiness or unhappiness. While absence of it is clearly an obstacle for many couples it is not a major cause of unhappiness in marriage, providing that it does occur within the first year. The happiest couples seem to be those where there is complete or fairly complete tension reduction experienced in intercourse whether an orgasm occurs or not.
What are the obstacles to happiness as far as sex is concerned? Terman found that many unhappy husbands complained most frequently about such things as these:
- Wife shows too little enthusiasm.
- Wife can not regularly reach an orgasm or is slow in reaching it.
- Wife desires intercourse too rarely.
- Wife not physiologically ready for intercourse.
- Wife has too little regard for the husband’s satisfaction.
- Wife does not express enough tenderness and consideration.
It was found that unhappy wives complained about such things as these:
- Husband has orgasm too quickly.
- Husband desires intercourse too frequently (or too rarely).
- Husband wants to go to sleep or get up too soon after the climax.
- Husband shows too little enthusiasm.
- Husband does not caress affectionately during the preliminary phase.
- Husband expresses too little tenderness.
If you wonder about the importance of physical love in marriage you might remember that very few husbands and wives are unfaithful to each other if their passions are satisfied and if mates are considerate of each other’s needs. The Marriage Counseling Service at Penn State has not found a single case of separation or divorce among couples who have achieved and maintained sexual harmony since the early weeks of their marriage.