Simply knowing the husband’s favorite dishes is not enough. The new husband may not throw the first batch of burned biscuits at his wife, but if the next batch is burned too he is apt at least to throw some caustic comments.
Soon after the honeymoon there will come a time when one or both of the mates may no longer be satisfied just to be with each other. They will become more independent of each other unless during the first few months of marriage they have explored each other’s interests and found things they can do together.
If he is to become anything more than the provider and she anything more than the housekeeper, they must establish a sound basis for companionship. How can this be done? The essentials of human companionship are pretty universal for any two people whether they are mates or just close friends. Comrades most frequently have these things in common:
They enjoy talking to each other. Mates should not feel they have completely succeeded as partners until each regards the other as the one person he or she can unburden himself to about anything that is on his mind. Each can help develop a strong feeling of “conversational companionship” in their union by being a ready and sympathetic listener to the thoughts that are uppermost in the other’s mind. Both should realize that a woman’s interests naturally are different from a man’s. After their own immediate preoccupations of the day, a woman’s interests tend more toward clothes, decorations and amusements whereas the man is more interested in money, world affairs and sports. A good middle ground is their mutual interests and hobbies and the activities of their mutual acquaintances.
Companions enjoy doing things together. One of the first things newly-weds should investigate, if they haven’t already, are the things they can do peaceably and enjoyably together. Perhaps both get a great deal of pleasure from listening to early jazz recordings, or skiing, or merely playing chess or being together every night and saying very little.
Visiting friends can be fun where the two husbands are congenial and the two wives are fond of each other. One of the sad things about marriage is that a bride’s best friend marries a man whom her husband can’t stand; or the man’s old roommate marries a flighty, affected girl the wife can’t stand. Such antagonisms should be sensed and the bride and groom should in such cases try to get together with their old friends on an individual rather than a family basis.
Companions respect each other’s opinions and abilities. The shrewd wife keeps up with the world so that her husband will respect her as an individual in her own right. Wives that become completely dependent on their husbands, and cling to them because they have no other interest, frequently lose the respect of their husband.
It helps if they are seeking a common goal. One of the very best ways there is for a couple to develop a strong basis for companionship is to have common aspirations which both believe in and talk about enthusiastically.
This means sharing in a long-range project. They map their plans together and carry them through. They share triumphs and disappointments. They may build or remodel a home for themselves. In the process of planning, waiting and dreaming together they become comrades for life.
While it may be argued that building or buying a home is more expensive in the long run than renting, nothing gives a couple a greater feeling of solidarity than home ownership, especially when they plan together in building, remodeling or furnishing it.