What is emotional maturity, you may ask? It’s a state of mind that includes ability to get along with people ... ability to find satisfaction and reward in work ... ability to recognize and solve problems which involve your relations with others ... and finally it includes freedom from instability and neuroticism.
As in sexual maturity (which is closely related to emotional maturity) the first ten years of life are apparently the most important in determining if you will be emotionally stable. Certainly by the age of eighteen a person should have a pretty firm hold on his emotions. If he has not acquired such balance by twenty-one or twenty-two the outlook is not too promising, and he should deliberately set out to achieve better control of himself.
A stenographer of twenty-four came to the Penn State Marriage Counseling Service for advice after she had had a dozen promiscuous affairs with men. She came from a broken home where her parents had taken only an erratic interest in her and she showed serious signs of emotional instability, as do virtually all promiscuous girls and men.
Here is the verbatim report that was written on Sandra. It provides a classic picture of emotional instability:
Sandra feels inferior, does many unconventional things, has few standards or ideals. Badly maladjusted, she flits from one boy to another, seeking new thrills. Quite promiscuous and highly sexed, she has had sexual affairs with 12 or 13 men. Somewhat popular while in college, with attractive face and nice figure, she was dated by many boys, none of whom even went with her for more than four dates. Easily persuaded to any course of action, she could readily excuse any breach of behavior. Changeable and selfish, but anxious to be known as a “Campus Queen,” she openly sought dates and a sort of dubious and short-lived popularity.
Because of her instability, total lack of standards, ideals and morals, and her selfishness and shallowness, she is unlikely to marry unless she catches a rich “sucker.” She is in six “danger zones” on her Audit Profile. May the Lord help the poor man who is inveigled into marriage. No boy has ever proposed marriage to her, a fact that has hurt her vanity.
To pin emotional maturity down more specifically, here side by side are eight traits, one or more of which are frequently noted in persons who are considered “emotionally immature,” and eight noted in mature persons.
A person can be emotionally unstable and not show all of those symptoms but he undoubtedly will show some of them.
What can anyone do to improve his control over his emotions, and thus achieve greater emotional maturity? Here are a few suggestions: