Do You Blame Your Troubles and Mistakes on Others? This is one of the most vicious mental habits one can get into. Psychologists call it the habit of “projection.” You project your failures upon somebody else. The boy says he is not able to get along with girls because his father will not let him have the car. The girl blames her failure to have dates upon her mother for not giving her the right kind of clothes. Such a habit is much more serious than first appears. In the first place, one’s listeners are not fooled by such projections, and in the second place the individual who gets into such a habit fails to profit by his mistakes. Thus he loses opportunity for making improvement.
Are You Intolerant of People Who Are Not Like You? Broadmindedness or tolerance is a trait we must have if people are to like us. To be broadminded or tolerant, you usually need to be both intelligent and well informed. Intolerance and bigotry are either based on ignorance of other people or on a mind that knows the facts but is all twisted up. One should not confuse broadmindedness with low standards and ideals. A broadminded person may be tolerant of an individual whose own standards are low even though the broadminded person tries to live by practical, realistic and decent standards. You can be an unchanging believer in a particular religion or be an invariable follower of one political party, but at least you should keep from ramming your personal views down the throats of others. When you voice intolerances you usually antagonize acquaintances who are startled by your narrow views.
Are You Argumentative? Many persons, because of their biases or prejudices or emotional tension, constantly want to argue. They hope by arguing to convince others of the correctness of their own views. The louder they shout the more persuasive their argument—so they think. Actually, arguing rarely ever convinces anyone. And the one sure result is that it will create hard feelings, if engaged in vehemently. As long as a discussion can remain good humored and considerate, with nobody raising his voice or becoming agitated, worth-while ideas may be exchanged.
Do You Bore People by Your Talking? Do you chatter inanely or do you annoy people by constantly talking “shop?” One can talk about one’s job without talking “shop.” The important difference is that he talks about those aspects of his occupation that will interest an outsider with normal curiosity. And he talks about his job only if the listener shows by smiling or nodding his head that the subject intrigues him. Being able to talk is not nearly so important as being able to talk in a congenial way. The congenial person sees that conversations cover only topics that are mutually interesting, and he avoids talking too much. Further, he is sensitive enough to catch the mood of the other person and is flexible enough to join in that mood. Finally, the congenial talker is sensitive enough to lead the conversation away from subjects that will only bring conflict.
Are You Self-centered? Perhaps you were “spoiled” as a child or are so richly endowed with physical charm or with talent you feel yourself to be the center of the universe. For example, the girl may have temper tantrums in public, she may humiliate her escort by biting sarcasm or devastating scorn. Often her escort simply serves as a foil for her “brilliance” or good looks. She frightens her man away because he sees himself going through life as a planet in her orbit. Such a girl is not seeking a husband as such; what she wants is a background for her own personality. After being hurt by her a few times a man runs away and seeks a girl who will pour balm on his injured ego.