One Hollywood columnist wrote in his column the following two sentences that should cause anyone to think: “Beauty is a drug on the market. Personality can command any price.”
Complete self-assurance (tempered by modesty of course) is undoubtedly the most helpful characteristic anyone can have in competing for mates. The person who has an inferiority complex may have developed it because of physical features which prey on his mind, or because of some inadequate behavior in the past. He may have made poor grades in school or not have been able to earn a letter in athletics. There are many ways to acquire self-confidence. Here are some:
- Starting a savings account
- Going to the “right places”
- Participating in amateur shows
- Dressing as well as you can
- Owning a good collection of books or classical records
- Joining a fraternity or fraternal organization
- Taking part in church activities
- Buying property or organizing a business
- Becoming a Scout Leader
But one of the best of all possible ways to rid yourself of an inferiority complex and to develop self-confidence is to become skillful in social activities that young people frequently enter into. Learn to be expert at tennis or golf or Ping-pong or bridge or canoeing, or swimming or bowling or skeet-shooting or gin rummy, or saxophone playing, or being an amateur magician. Nothing builds up confidence faster than to possess a secret skill that interests or amuses people of the opposite sex. Most important of all, learn to be a skillful dancer. If you can float about a dance floor it instills confidence in you, and admiration in your dancing partner. Besides, you will enjoy yourself more. And a person who knows how to enjoy himself is attractive to other people.
Chapter IX
Is the One You Want the One You Need?
The average young person considering his or her prospects of marriage, we find, thinks only in terms of what he wants in a mate. But actually anyone facing realistically the problem of selecting a mate should realize that three things, not one, ought to be considered: 1. What you want. 2. What you need. 3. What you can get.
Perhaps the ideal in your mind of the mate you want is not only something you can’t get but also something you have no need for. What you want may be unattainable in the community in which you live. For example, if a girl would not marry a coal miner though she lived in a small coal-mining community, she might either have to modify her standards, move to a different community, or become an old maid.
Ordinarily you might think that the kind of mate you might want would be the kind you would need. But it often happens that a person’s desires are based on frivolous or impractical considerations; or upon the desire merely to “marry into money.”
During the past several years, students in Penn State’s psychology classes on preparation for marriage have been asked what amount of money they would consider an absolute minimum on which they would be willing to marry. The girls consistently specified more than the men. The average for the boys is $2,450, and for the girls $2,950. More than ten per cent of the girls have specified that they will not marry until their groom has an income of more than five thousand dollars. Obviously such girls are insisting on incomes which are more than they need and almost certainly more than they can get.