Will This Mate Satisfy You Sexually? There are many ways you can detect before marriage whether such satisfaction can be achieved with this particular mate. Beware a person who shows a neurotic tendency, unconventional behavior, a craving for excitement, an urge to be constantly on the go. Beware of both the prudes and of persons who seem preoccupied with sex. Beware of indications of jealousy and possessiveness. These symptoms suggest that this person may not be able to find sexual satisfaction in marriage nor bring it to you.

Finally, Can This Mate Talk Things Over With You? This ability, in our opinion, is one of the biggest single values in marriage. Beware of suspiciousness, of demands for explanation, of resentment, of continual criticism of others. These things suggest you may be entangled with a nagger and a complainer who will constantly try to improve you stead of dealing with you as a partner. You will find it difficult to talk to such a person, to discuss your mutual problems. Being able to talk things over with another person without restraint—which psychologists call mutual psychotherapy—is probably one of the greatest things you can get out of marriage. If a couple have confidence in each other, can confide their hopes, and their ambitions, can encourage and stimulate each other when frustrated, then such a couple can go far in satisfying the basic needs in their lives.

Chapter X
Crucial Traits for a Happy Marriage

Thus far we have talked about what young people think they want in their mates and about the basic needs, which a good mate should fill. But we still haven’t discussed the big question. What are the actual traits you should have and your mate should have if you are to achieve happiness in marriage? What makes a marriage happy or unhappy?

A few years ago no reliable answer was available. But within the past few years a great deal of illuminating data has been turned up by investigators as a result of an upsurge of scientific interest in marriage. This interest was aroused by the frightening rise in marital bankruptcy as shown by the divorce trend.

What are the characteristics actually found in happily married mates and unhappily married mates?

Terman delved into the lives of 792 married couples and came out with these conclusions about the qualities that usually go with both kinds of mates:

HAPPY WIVESUNHAPPY WIVES
Have kindly attitude toward
others		Often have feelings of inferiority
Like to help underdogsTend to be defensive or aggressive
Tend to be conventionalEasily annoyed, irritated
Are coöperativeOften join clubs only to get an
office or recognition in them
Strong urge to save moneyExtreme in their views
Are optimistic about lifeMore likely to be neurotic
Do not take offense easilyLose tempers easily
Less interested in social
activities such as dances		Impressed by thrilling situations
Like to teach childrenSeek spectacular activities
Put less importance on clothes Want to be on the move
Are systematic homemakersShow little interest in housework
Do less daydreaming