The Governor was very much vexed by my determination of not returning to Longwood, though I could not exactly guess the reason why. However, my resolution was fully confirmed on the following day, when he came to me, and, after a long and very obscure preamble, respecting his sincerity and good intentions, he told me that, to facilitate my communication with Longwood, he would consent to forward my first letter to Count Bertrand, in the form in which I had myself written it; and moreover to send along with it a copy of all my correspondence; a thing which he had hitherto constantly refused to do. But the more he made concessions, the more firmly I rejected them:—“’Tis too late,” said I, “the die is cast. I have pronounced sentence upon myself. I will not write to Longwood, and I demand, for the hundredth time, that you will remove me hence without further delay.”—“At least, then,” said the Governor, “will you communicate to Longwood my offers and your refusal?”—“I have no objection to do that,” I replied. Sir Hudson Lowe then departed, very much disconcerted, mentioning, as a last inducement, that he could only send us away on board a transport, that he did not know when the vessel might sail, and that there was no medical man on board, which would be a serious inconvenience, considering the state of my son’s health.
OUR REMOVAL FROM BALCOMBE’S COTTAGE TO
THE TOWN.
24th.—My son was exceedingly ill during the night, and I was myself very much indisposed. At daybreak I sent to request the immediate attendance of Doctors Baxter and O’Meara; and, in the extremity of my despair, I also wrote to Sir Hudson Lowe, assuring him that it was impossible we could longer endure the treatment we were now suffering. I reminded him that, in spite of my son’s dangerous condition, it was now more than seven days since we had seen a medical attendant; and that, owing to our inconvenient situation, the Doctors, in spite of their good intentions, found it impossible to visit us. I therefore urged the necessity of our quitting the cottage without delay: and I begged that we might be conveyed to the town, even to the common jail, if he found it necessary. This letter produced an immediate effect. I received, on the return of the orderly, a note from the Governor, stating that I should that day be conveyed to his own residence in the town. In the evening, an officer came to conduct us thither. How anxiously did we turn our eyes towards Longwood at the moment of departure! What were our thoughts and sensations as we proceeded along the road! What a wound was inflicted on my heart when, for the last time, I turned to look on Longwood, and saw it gradually disappear from my sight!
OUR RESIDENCE AT THE GOVERNOR’S CASTLE.—BETTER
TREATMENT, &C.
25th to 28th.—We now found ourselves removed to the Governor’s residence, which is called the Castle. It is a spacious building and agreeably situated. Our condition was now changed very much for the better. We were still guarded by sentinels, it is true; but every thing was under my orders, and there seemed to be an endeavour to furnish us profusely with every thing. “Do not spare,” the major-domo often repeated, “the Honourable East India Company pays for all.” But these tardy attentions produced little effect upon me. I had but one object in view, namely, a prompt decision, and that I could not obtain. The Governor came to me every day, but it was merely to utter a few complimentary phrases, and not a word of my affairs. However, it was now indispensable to come to the point. The endless difficulties that had arisen, and my endeavours to avert them, had kept me in a continual state of agitation; and vexation of mind was combined with grief of heart.
I was absolutely in a critical state when I arrived in the town. The Governor was struck with my extreme debility and the change that had taken place in my appearance. Apparently with the intention of rousing me, Sir Hudson Lowe mentioned that the Emperor had expressed a very great wish to see me before my departure. On hearing this, I was deeply moved. My son afterwards informed me that the Governor appeared very much embarrassed by the condition to which he saw me reduced. However, making an effort to collect my strength, I once more begged that Sir Hudson Lowe would give orders for my removal as speedily as possible. He at length determined that my departure should take place two days afterwards. He informed me that he had procured a ship of war, which would be more suitable for my conveyance, while at the same time I should enjoy the advantage of having a medical attendant on board.
THE EMPEROR’S MESSAGE TO ME.—THE GRAND
MARSHAL’S FAREWELL.
29th.—Early this morning, an officer came to request that we would pack up our things to be conveyed on board the ship, as it was determined that we should depart very shortly. This we looked upon as the hour of our deliverance. In a few minutes, all that we possessed was packed up, and we were in perfect readiness. At length the wished-for moment of departure was at hand. How our feelings vary according to the circumstances in which we happen to be placed. But a short time ago I should have considered it the greatest misfortune that could befal me to be separated from the Emperor, and removed from St. Helena. But my late resolutions, the manifest wish of Sir Hudson Lowe, the positive words of the Emperor: “I request you, and in case of need, I command you, to quit this island;” together with other important observations which fell from him in the course of previous conversation, and which I cannot hint at here, though they are entirely foreign to politics; and finally, the chimeras which my own imagination had conjured up; all now caused me to dread the thought of being longer detained. The hour of departure had already been specified; I nevertheless experienced the most cruel suspense, which the Governor seemed to justify by keeping away nearly the whole of the day. Impatience and anxiety had thrown me into a fever; when, about six o’clock in the evening, the Governor, whom I now despaired of seeing, made his appearance. After a little preamble, in his usual way, he informed me that he had brought the Grand Marshal to take leave of me, and he conducted me into the adjoining apartment, where I had the happiness of embracing that esteemed companion of my exile. The Emperor had instructed the Grand Marshal to tell me that “he should see me desert with pleasure, and see me remain with pleasure.” These were his words. He added, that he knew my heart and my sentiments; and that he reposed full and entire confidence in me. As to the chapters of the Campaign of Italy, which I had requested permission to keep as a dear and precious memento, he granted them without hesitation, as well as any thing else that might happen to be in my possession; for he was pleased to say that, while they were in my hands he should consider them as being still in his own. Sir Hudson Lowe was with us during this interview, at which his presence was indispensable. The Grand Marshal commissioned me to make some purchases of books, and other things, necessary or useful to the Emperor, and he particularly requested me to send the Moniteur. Finally, he took leave of me, telling me significantly to act in all things as I should judge best.
As I expected, the friendship of the Grand Marshal served only to increase my distress. He expressed his regret for my departure, and tried to suggest reasons for inducing me to remain. “His absence,” said he, in a very graceful manner, addressing himself to the Governor, “will be regretted by us all. It will be a loss to the Emperor, and it will even be a loss to you, Sir Hudson Lowe. You will soon be convinced of this.” The Governor replied by an approving bow; and both endeavoured to prevail on me to change my resolution. I could easily guess the Governor’s reasons for this; but I could not so well divine the cause of the Grand Marshal’s entreaties, particularly after the message which he had just delivered to me from the Emperor. Besides, he was aware that, in addition to the numerous powerful motives which urged me to depart, Sir Hudson Lowe, as I believe I have already mentioned, offered not the least concession on his part. He insisted on retaining my papers, and required my implicit submission. By this means, I should, as it were, have legalized all his measures. By the precedent thus granted I should have authorized him to seize and imprison any one of us, whenever he might take a fancy to do so. I could not, without the Emperor’s express command, submit to such outrages; and, therefore, I firmly resisted them.