30th.—I received an early visit from Admiral Malcolm. He came to introduce me to Capt. Wright, who was to convey me to the Cape, on board the Griffin brig. The Admiral recommended me to Capt. Wright as his friend, and, in a very pleasing manner, assured me that I should have every reason to be satisfied with the endeavours that would be made to render things agreeable to me.
I looked forward to the decisive moment with my usual anxiety; for the Governor betrayed so much eagerness to induce me to remain, that I was fearful he would finally start some unforeseen obstacle to my departure.
About eleven o’clock, the Grand Marshal arrived, accompanied by the Governor and some officers. He renewed his endeavours to prevail on me to return to Longwood; but without ever expressing the positive desire of the Emperor. Knowing my sentiments so well as he did, he must have been aware that a word would have decided me. But this word he did not pronounce, and he even avoided doing so when I pressed him to it, always referring to the Emperor’s message, which he had delivered to me on the preceding day. Thus I had to defend myself against him, from whom I should have wished to receive support. His expressions of regard increased my distress, and I was perplexed between the wish of remaining and the determination of departing. If my heart dictated the one course, courage demanded the other; and I continued inflexible.
I must not forget to mention that the Grand Marshal, in the course of conversation, informed me that the Emperor had wished to see me before my departure. The Governor, however, required that an English officer should be present during our interview; and the Emperor renounced his intention, observing that I well knew he would deny himself the happiness of seeing his own wife and son on such conditions. How was I gratified by these words!...
I delivered to the Grand Marshal thirteen bills of exchange, on my banker in London, for the 4000 louis, which I had so frequently offered to the Emperor, and which the Grand Marshal now informed me he had consented to accept. This was a real consolation to me.
This business being settled, General Gourgaud, who had accompanied the Grand Marshal, was also permitted to enter and take leave of me. This new mark of interest, joined to many others which the General had shewn me during my imprisonment, failed not to produce an impression on my heart.
The Grand Marshal and the General remained with me for a considerable time, and Sir Hudson Lowe had the politeness to say that they might, if they pleased, stay and breakfast with me. He retired, taking with him all his people, with the exception of the officer on duty at Longwood, who had escorted the gentlemen to the castle. This officer was Captain Poppleton, with whose conduct we had always found reason to be perfectly satisfied. During our breakfast, over which we sat for a very long time, we certainly might, in spite of the presence of Captain Poppleton, have found means to make secret communications with each other; but we had none to make, and not a syllable of a private nature passed between us. Had I foreseen this unexpected circumstance, I might have put into my son’s hands the whole of my correspondence with Sir Hudson Lowe, and it might, by this means, have been easily transmitted to Longwood. However, on reflection, I congratulated myself on not having made any such attempt. I still distrusted Sir Hudson Lowe, and, from the endeavours he made to prevail on me to remain, he would certainly have availed himself of such a discovery as an excuse for changing all the arrangements that had been made, and issuing fresh orders.
Breakfast being ended, I was the first who had courage to rise and take farewell. I sent to request that the Governor would come and execute the final measures. I embraced my friends, and they left me. General Gourgaud, at parting, several times feelingly alluded to the little vexations which had occasionally arisen between us. I felt happy in expressing my conviction that they had been wholly occasioned by the painful circumstances in which we were placed, and that our hearts had no share in them. I cherish, with sincere gratitude, the remembrance of the kind attentions which I received from General Gourgaud, during the latter period of my residence at St. Helena.[[28]]
Sir Hudson Lowe, on his return, seeing the Grand Marshal and General Gourgaud going out, said to me significantly, and with an appearance of embarrassment and vexation, “So you do not intend to return to Longwood? It may be presumed you have good reasons for refusing to do so.” A bow was my only reply; and I begged that the Governor would immediately proceed to seal up the papers, the only thing that now remained to be done. Some days previously, I had demanded that an authentic inventory of my papers should be made out: this was done; and I obtained a copy of it, signed by Sir Hudson Lowe. All that was now to be done was to affix the seals. The Governor delayed this formality until the last moment, and he concluded it in a way perfectly characteristic of his disposition. He told me, in very fair words, but with an appearance of constraint, that, out of respect for the Emperor, as well as from personal consideration for me, he would willingly permit me to affix my seal to the papers, provided I would consent that he should break it, during my absence, if he thought necessary. I smiled at this proposal, and declined it; upon which he walked with hasty strides up and down the room for some time, and then, as if coming to a sudden determination, he exclaimed, “I will take the whole upon myself; I will dispense with your seal.” He called in the Government Secretary, and the seals of the island were affixed to the papers in my presence. I requested that he would furnish me with a declaration of his refusal to permit me to[to] seal them with my arms, or the singular condition he had attached to my doing so. This was a new subject of hesitation; but the point was at length settled, by the Governor furnishing me with a declaration, in the following terms:—