60.—“But among other witticisms those have very good grace that are made by taking the very words and sense from another man’s taunt and turning them against him and striking him with his own weapons; as where a litigant—whose adversary had said to him in the judge’s presence: ‘Why do you bark so?’—at once replied: ‘Because I see a thief.’
“And another instance of this was when Galeotto da Narni,[[217]] on his way through Siena, stopped in the street to ask for the inn; and a Sienese, seeing how fat he was, said, laughing: ‘Other men carry their wallets behind, but this one carries his in front.’ Galeotto at once replied: ‘That is the way we do in a land of thieves.’
61.—“There is still another kind, which we call playing on words,[[218]] and this consists in changing a word by either adding or omitting a letter or a syllable; as when someone said: ‘You are better versed in the Latrin tongue than in the Greek.’ And you, my Lady, had a letter addressed to you, ‘To my lady Emilia Impia.’[[219]]
“Moreover it is a pleasant thing to quote a verse or two, applying it to a purpose different from that which the author intends, or some other familiar saw; sometimes to the same purpose, but changing some word. As when a gentleman, who had an ugly and disagreeable wife, was asked how he was, he replied: ‘Judge yourself of my state, when Furiarum maxima juxta me cubat.’[[220]] And messer Geronimo Donato,[[221]] while going the rounds of the Stazioni[[222]] at Rome in Lent with several other gentlemen, met a bevy of beautiful Roman ladies; and one of the gentlemen saying: ‘Quot coelum stellas, tot habet tua Roma puellas,’[[223]] he at once replied: Pascua quotque haedos, tot habet tua Roma cinaedos,[[224]] pointing to a company of young men who were coming from the other direction.
GALEOTTO MARZI DA NARNI
1427?-1490?
Enlarged from a cast, kindly furnished by M. Pierre Valton, of an anonymous medal in his collection at Paris. See Armand’s Les Médailleurs Italiens, ii, 35, no. 25.
“In like fashion messer Marcantonio della Torre[[225]] addressed the Bishop of Padua. There being a nunnery at Padua in charge of a friar reputed to be of very pure life and learned as well, it came to pass that, as the friar frequented the convent familiarly and often confessed the nuns, five of them (more than half of all there were) became pregnant; and the affair being discovered, the friar wished to flee but knew not how. The bishop had him taken into custody, and he soon confessed that he had brought the five nuns to this pass, being tempted of the devil; wherefore the bishop was firmly resolved to punish him roundly. But as the man was learned, he had many friends who all tried to help him, and along with the rest messer Marcantonio went to the bishop to implore some measure of pardon for him. The bishop would in no wise listen to them; and after they had pleaded hard, and recommended the culprit, and urged in excuse the opportunities of his position, the frailty of human nature, and many other things,—at last the bishop said: ‘I will do nothing for him, because I shall have to render God an account of the matter.’ And when they repeated their arguments, the bishop said: ‘What answer shall I make to God on the Day of Judgment, when he says to me, Give an account of thy stewardship?’[[226]] Then messer Marcantonio at once said: ‘My Lord, say that which the Evangelist says: Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold I have gained besides them five talents more.’[[227]] Whereupon the bishop could not keep from laughing, and greatly softened his anger and the punishment intended for the offender.
62.—“It is also amusing to interpret names, and to pretend some reason why the man who is spoken of bears such a name, or why something is done. As a few days ago, when Proto da Lucca[[228]] (who is very amusing, as you know) asked for the bishopric of Caglio, the Pope replied: ‘Knowest thou not that in the Spanish tongue caglio means I keep silence? And thou art a babbler; wherefore it would be unseemly for a bishop never to be able to repeat his title without telling an untruth. So be thou silent (caglia) now.’ Here Proto made a reply, which, although it was not of this sort, yet was not less to the point; for having several times repeated his request, and seeing that it was of no avail, at last he said: ‘Holy Father, if your Holiness grant me this bishopric, it will not be without advantage, for I shall leave your Holiness two offices (ufficii).’ ‘And what offices have you to leave?’ said the Pope. Proto replied: ‘The full office (ufficio grande), and the Madonna’s office (ufficio della Madonna).’[[229]] Then the Pope could not keep from laughing, although he was a very grave man.
“Still another man at Padua said that Calfurnio[[230]] was so named because he was accustomed to heat (scaldare) ovens (forni). And when I one day asked Fedra[[231]] why it was that on Good Friday, while the Church offered prayer not only for Christians but even for pagans and Jews, no mention is made of cardinals along with bishops and other prelates,—he answered me that cardinals were included in that prayer which says: ‘Let us pray for heretics and schismatics.’