Why is a banker’s clerk necessarily well informed? Because he is continually taking notes.
Use me well and I am everybody; scratch my back and I am nobody. A looking-glass.
What great Scotchman would you name if a footman knocked at the door? John Knox.
Why is a billiard maker like a stage prompter? Because he gives the players a cue.
Why is the sculptor Powers a great swindler? Because he chiseled the Greek slave out of her clothes.
Why is the bank of England like a thrush? It often changes its notes.
What is it, which the man that made it does not need, the man who buys it does not use for himself, and the person that uses it does not know it? A coffin.
Why are convicts like a pack of cards? Because there is a knave in every suit.
When is a fact like a universal patent? When it is patent to “all.”
What kind of a swell luncheon would hardly be considered a grand affair? A luncheon of dried apples and warm water, which is really a swell affair.