In what key should a man propose to his sweetheart? Be mine, ah (B minor).
When a church is burning, what is the only part that stands no chance at all of being saved? The organ, because the engine can’t play upon it.
Why is the Fourth of July like an oyster? Because we cannot enjoy it without crackers.
When is a newspaper like a delicate child? When it appears weekly.
If all the seas were dried up, what would old Neptune say? I really haven’t an ocean (a notion).
Why is the letter A like twelve o’clock? Because it comes in the middle of day.
Why is a false friend like the letter P? Because, although always first in pity, he is always last in help.
What is that which occurs twice in a moment and not once in a thousand years? The letter M.
Why are butchers thieves? Because they steal a knife and cut away with it.
Why should a man troubled with the gout make his will? Because he will then have his leg at ease (legatees).