I once more changed my station, and made my way to the poop, where I found myself rather more sheltered——I earnestly wished Mr. Hall to be with me, whatever might be my ultimate fate——and beckoned to him to come to me; but he only answered by shaking his head, in a feeble, desponding manner——staring at the same time wildly about him: even his spirit was subdued; and despair, I perceived, had begun to take possession of his mind.
Being a little more at ease in my new station than I had been, before, I had more time to deliberate, and more power to judge. I recollected, that, according to the course of time, the day was far gone, and the night quickly approaching: I reflected, that for any enterprize whatsoever, day was much preferable to night; and above all I considered, that the vessel could not hold long together——I therefore thought, that the best mode I could adopt would be, to take to the water with the first boyant thing I could see; and, as the wind and water both seemed to run to the shore, to take my chance in that way of reaching it. In pursuance of this resolution, I tore off my shirt, having before that thrown off the other parts of my dress——I looked at my sleeve buttons, in which was set the hair of my departed children——and, by an involuntary act of the imagination, asked myself the question, “Shall I be happy enough to meet them where I am now about to go?——shall those dear last remains, too, become a prey to the devouring deep?”——In that instant, reason, suspended by the horrors of the scene, gave way to instinct; and I rolled my shirt up, and very carefully thrust it into a hole between decks, with the wild hopes that the sleeve buttons might yet escape untouched. Watching my opportunity, I saw a log of wood floating near the vessel, and, waving my hand to Mr. Hall as a last adieu, jumped after it. Here, again, I was doomed to aggravated hardships——I had scarcely touched the log when, a great sea snatched it from my hold: still as it came near me, I grasped at it ineffectually, till at last it was completely carried away, but not before it had cut and battered and bruised me in several places, and in a manner that at any other time I should have thought dreadful.
Death seemed inevitable; and all that occurred to me now to do, was to accelerate it, and get out of its pangs as speedily as possible; for, though I knew how to swim, the tremendous surf rendered swimming useless, and all hope from it would have been ridiculous. I therefore began to swallow as much water as possible; yet, still rising by the boyant principle of the waves to the surface, my former thoughts began to recur; and whether it was that, or natural instinct, which survived the temporary impressions of despair, I know not——but I endeavoured to swim, which I had not done long, when I again discovered the log of wood I had lost floating near me, and with some difficulty caught it: hardly had it been an instant in my hands, when, by the same unlucky means, I lost it again. I had often heard it said in Scotland, that if a man will throw himself flat on his back in the water, lie quite straight and stiff, and suffer himself to sink till the water gets into his ears, he will continue to float so for ever: this occurred to me now, and I determined to try the experiment; so I threw myself on my back in the manner I have described, and left myself to the disposal of Providence; nor was it[it] long till I found the truth of the saying——for I floated with hardly an effort, and began for the first time to conceive something like hopes of preservation.
After lying in this manner, committed to the discretion of the tides, I soon saw the vessel——saw that it was at a considerable distance behind me. Liveliest hope began to play about my heart, and joy fluttered with a thousand gay fancies in my mind: I began to form the favourable conclusion, that the tide was carrying me rapidly to land from the vessel, and that I should soon once more touch terra firma.
This expectation was a cordial that revived my exhausted spirits: I took courage, and left myself still to the same all-directing Power that had hitherto preserved me, scarcely doubting that I should soon reach the land. Nor was I mistaken; for, in a short time more, without effort or exertion, and without once turning from off my back, I found myself strike against the sandy beach. Overjoyed, as you may well suppose, to the highest pitch of transport at my providential deliverance, I made a convulsive spring, and ran up a little distance on the shore; but was so weak and worn down by fatigue, and so unable to clear my stomach of the salt water with which it was loaded, that I suddenly grew deadly sick, and apprehended that I had only exchanged one death for another; and in a minute or two fainted away.
LETTER XLVII.
That admirable man, and sagacious penetrating philosopher, Dr. Franklin, has left us, among innumerable instructions for the conduct of human life, and for remedying many of the grievances of it, directions for going a voyage at sea, and has particularly enforced the folly of quitting ships hastily, and yielding, one’s self up to despair. I am convinced, that nine tenths of the people who perish by shipwreck, perish from the want of presence of mind, and sufficient fortitude to bear them out. The unhappy Purser, who sat deliberately in a chair, and suffered himself, without a struggle, to be carried overboard, is an instance in point. The feeble conduct of the Captain and Crew is another. Had he, instead of tearing his hair, raving, and acting the part of a bedlamite, encouraged his men, and taken vigorous measures in time; and had they, instead of whimpering prayers on their knees, and whipping their images, made all clear, and prepared for the worst; in short, had they, according to the moral of the old fable, put their shoulder to the wheel, instead of calling on Hercules, it is not impossible but the vessel might have been saved.
As for my part, the joy of escaping immediate death made me blind to the other miseries of my situation. Naked, moneyless and friendless, upon an unknown, and probably inhospitable coast, what reasonable cause had I to rejoice? Perhaps the reverse. But that remains to be seen.