It is the tendency of the age to excuse many social errors in young people, and especially is this true of the mischievous pranks of college boys. If Harvard football heroes and their “rooters,” for example, wish to let their hair grow long and wear high turtle-necked red “sweaters,” corduroy trousers and huge “frat” pins, I, for one, can see no grave objection, for “boys will be boys” and I am, I hope, no “old fogy” in such matters. But I also see no reason why these same young fellows should not be interested in the graces of the salon and the arts of the drawing-room. Consider, for example, the following two letters, illustrating the correct and incorrect method in which two young college men should correspond, and tell me if there is not some place in our college curriculum for a Professor of Deportment:
An Incorrect Letter from a Princeton Student to a Yale Student Congratulating the Latter on His Football Victory
DEAR MIKE:
Here’s your damn money. I was a fool to give you odds.
ED.
P. S. What happened at the Nass? I woke up Sunday with a terrific
welt on my forehead and somebody’s hat with the initials L. G.
T., also a Brooks coat. Do you know whose they are? P. P. S.
Please for God’s sake don’t cash this check until the fifteenth
or I’m ruined.
And here is the way in which I would suggest that this same letter be indited.
A Correct Letter from a Princeton Student to a Yale Student Congratulating the Latter on His Football Victory
MY DEAR “FRIENDLY ENEMY”:
Well, well, it was a jolly game, wasn’t it, and it was so good to
see you in “Old Nassau.” I am sorry that you could not have come
earlier in the fall, when the trees were still bronze and gold. I
also regret exceedingly that you did not stay over until Sunday,
for it would have been such a treat to have taken you to see the
Graduate School buildings and the Cleveland Memorial Tower.
However, “better luck next time.”
The enclosed check is, as you may well guess, in payment of our
wager on the result of the gridiron-contest. Truly, I am almost
glad that I lost, for I can not but think that gambling in any
form is at best an unprofitable diversion, and this has taught
me, I hope, a lesson from which I may well benefit. Do not think
me a “prig,” dear Harry, I beg of you, for I am sure that you
will agree with me that even a seemingly innocent wager on a
football match may lead in later life to a taste for gambling
with dice and cards or even worse. Shall we not agree to make
this our last wager—or at least, next time, let us not lend it
the appearance of professional gambling by giving “odds,” such as
I gave you this year.
You must have thought it frightfully rude of me not to have seen
you to the train after that enjoyable evening at the Nassau Inn,
but to tell you the truth, Harry, the nervous excitement of the
day proved too much for me and I was forced to retire. My
indisposition was further accentuated by a slight mishap which
befell me outside the Inn but which need cause you no alarm as a
scalp wound was the only result and a few days’ rest in my cozy
dormitory room will soon set matters to rights. I trust, however,
that you will explain to your friends the cause of my sudden
departure and my seeming inhospitality. Such jolly fellows they
were—and I am only too glad to find that the “bulldogs” are as
thoroughly nice as the chaps we have down here. Incidentally, I
discovered, somewhat to my dismay, as you may well imagine, that
in taking my departure I inadvertently “walked off” with the hat
and overcoat of one of your friends whose initials are L. G. T. I
am mortified beyond words and shall send the garments to you by
the next post with my deepest apologies to the unlucky owner.
Rest assured, Harry my friend, that I am looking forward to
visiting you some time in the near future, for I have always been
curious to observe the many interesting sights of “Eli land.”
Particularly anxious am I to see the beautiful trees which have
given New Haven its name of “the City of Elms,” and the
collection of primitive paintings for which your college is
justly celebrated. And in closing may I make the slight request
that you postpone the cashing of my enclosed check until the
fifteenth of this month, as, due to some slight misunderstanding,
I find that my account is in the unfortunate condition of being
“overdrawn.”
Believe me, Harry, with kindest regards to your nice friends and
yourself and with congratulations on the well deserved victory of
your “eleven,”
Your devoted friend and well wisher,
EDWARD ELLIS COCHRAN.
LETTERS TO PARENTS
Of course, when young people write to the members of their immediate family, it is not necessary that they employ such reserve as in correspondence with friends. The following letter well illustrates the change in tone which is permissible in such intimate correspondence:
A Correct Letter from a Young Lady in Boarding School to Her Parents
DEAR MOTHER:
Of course I am terribly glad that you and father are thinking of
coming to visit me here at school next week, but don’t you think
it would be better if, instead of your coming all the way up
here, I should come down and stay with you in New York? The
railroad trip up here will be very hard on you, as the trains are
usually late and the porters and conductors are notorious for
their gruffness and it is awfully hard to get parlor-car seats
and you know what sitting in a day-coach means. I should love to
have you come only I wouldn’t want you or father to get some
terrible sickness on the train and last month there were at least
three wrecks on that road, with many fatalities, and when you get
here the accommodations aren’t very good for outsiders, many of
the guests having been severely poisoned only last year by eating
ripe olives and the beds, they say, are extremely hard. Don’t you
really think it would be ever so much nicer if you and father
stayed in some comfortable hotel in New York with all the
conveniences in the world and there are some wonderful things at
the theaters which you really ought to see. I could probably get
permission from Miss Spencer to come and visit you over Saturday
and Sunday if you are stopping at one of the five hotels on her
“permitted” list.
However, if you do decide to come here, perhaps it would be
better to leave father in New York because I know he wouldn’t
like it at all with nothing but women and girls around and I am
sure that he couldn’t get his glass of hot water in the morning
before breakfast and he would have a much better time in New
York. But if he does come please mother don’t let him wear that
old gray hat or that brown suit, and mother couldn’t you get him
to get some gloves and a cane in New York before he comes? And
please, mother dear, make him put those “stogies” of his in an
inside pocket and would you mind, mother, not wearing that brooch
father’s employees gave you last Christmas?
I shall be awfully glad to see you both but as I say it would be
better if you let me come to New York where you and father will
be ever so much more comfortable.
Your loving daughter,
JEANNETTE.