THE KELLOCHSYDE GRACE.
The following is preserved traditionally as the grace of the farmer of Kellochsyde or Killocsyde, in Clydesdale:—O Lord, we’r ay gangan, and we’r ay gettan. We soud ay be cuman to thee, but we’r ay forgettan. We leive in the gude mailen o’ Kellochsyde, suppan thy gude peisie kale, puir sinfou sons of —— that we are. Monie mercies we receive, gude trowth: and we’r little thankfou for them, gude feth. Janet, rax by the spunes; and aw praise and glory sall be thine. Amen.
PATRIMONY AND MATRIMONY.
At an examination of a school in Edinburgh, a gentleman asked one of the scholars by what name they called property that descended from a father? “Patrimony,” answered the scholar: and what do you call it, when descended from a mother? “Matrimony,” was the reply.
THE LIGHT GUINEA.
An Irishman one day walking on the streets of Glasgow, found a light guinea, and got 18s for it: next day he was walking and sees another, Allelieu dear honey, says he, I’ll have nothing to do with you, for I lost 3s by your brother yesterday.
ELDER’S HOURS.
A cunning carle, invested with the semi-sacred office of “Ruling Elder,” or practically seemingly identified with that office, in order to gratify an inclination, scratched, wi’ the neb o’ a fork, the figure 10, on the one side of his outer door, and the figure 11, on the other. By which plan he was able to say wi’ “a good conscience,” at a’ times and on a’ occasions, that he came ay hame atween ten and eleven.
THE THISTLE.
A few Scotch and English travellers being met together, an Englishman took it upon him to run down the Thistle, exclaimed against the empty boast of its motto; “Nemo me impune lacesset;” when a Scotchman present observed, “The Thistle, sir, is the pride of the Scottish nation, but it is nothing in the mouth of an Ass.”