SAGE INSTRUCTIONS.
A labouring Highlandman, who lived in the upper parts of Perthshire, whose wife was taken in labour, wished him to retire out of the house. Janet says to him.—“Oh! you be gang awa’, Duncan, gang awa’!” The man however kept loitering about the door, seemingly impressed with something of great importance. At last he cries to his wife, “You speak a me, Shanet! you speak a me!” The wife asks, “What you say, Duncan?”—“Gie the cummer (the midwife) a dram, Shanet, gie the cummer a dram!”—“What for Duncan?” “Gie the cummer a dram, Shanet an’ tell him to mak her a laddie.”
DEATH OF A WATCH.
After the battle of Falkirk, in 1746, a Highlandman was observed extracting a gold watch from the fob of an English officer who had been killed. His comrade viewed him with a greedy eye; which the man taking notice of said to him “Tamn you gapin’ creedy bitch, gang an’ shoot a shentleman for hersel’, an’ no envie me o’ my pit watch.” Next morning finding his watch motionless, and meeting his comrade, says to him, “Och! she no be care muckle about a watch, an’ you be like mine what will you gie me for her?” The other replied, “I be venture a kinny.”—“Weel then,” said the other, “Shust tak her, an’ welcome, for she be die yester night.”
LUMP OF OLD WOOD.
An aged man, named Thomas Wood, sitting on a high three footed stool in the gallery of the Old Church of Falkirk, during divine service, happened to fall asleep, tumbled on the floor with a great noise. The preacher stopped, and demanded the reason of the noise. “Nothing, Sir,” cries a wag, “But a lump of Old Wood fallen down.”
SCOTCH PARROT.
A Parrot perched upon a pole at a cottage door, basking itself in the sun, was observed by a rapacious Hawk which happened to be passing over it, and suddenly dived down and seized poor Poll by the back, away the Hawk flew with his prey; when passing over the garden, Polly observed his old friend the Gardener, and exclaimed, I’m ridin’ noo, John Laurie: Hawky alarmed at hearing a voice so near, darted into a tree for safety, when, after recovering a little, commenced to devour poor Poll, when it roared out with all its might, “will you bite you b——.” The Hawk terrified out of its wits, flew off with a birr, leaving Poll to proceed homewards at pleasure.