LONG CREDIT.
Soon after the battle of Preston, two Highlanders, in roaming through the south of Mid-Lothian, entered the farm-house of Swanston, near the Pentland Hills, where they found no one at home but an old woman. They immediately proceeded to search the house, and soon finding a web of coarse home-spun cloth, made no scruple to unroll and cut off as much as they thought would make a coat to each. The woman was exceedingly incenced at their rapacity, roared and cried, and even had the hardihood to invoke divine vengeance upon their heads. “Ye villians!” she cried, “ye’ll ha’e to account for this yet!”—“And when will we pe account for’t?” asked one of the Highlanders.—“At the last day, ye blackguards!” exclaimed the woman. “Ta last tay!” replied the Highlander: “Tat pe cood long credit—we’ll even pe tak a waistcoat too!” at the same time cutting off a few additional yards of the cloth.
A BRUSH FOR THE BARBER.
A Highlander who sold brooms, went into a barber’s shop in Glasgow, a few days since to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and after having shaved him, asked the price of it; “Twopence,” said the highlander; “No, no,” said the barber, “I’ll give you a penny, if that does not satisfy you, take your broom again.” The Highlander took it, and asked what he had got to pay? “A penny,” said Strap. “I’ll gi’e ye a baubee,” said Duncan, “an if that dinna satisfy ye, put on my beard again.”
HOW TO FIND WORK.
A Slater being employed by a gentleman to repair his house in the country, took along with him a Prentice: when they set to work, and continued to work for some days, the gentleman having no conception the job was to be of such duration, came out one morning, and found the apprentice at work alone, when he expressed himself as surprised at the continuation of them working so long, and enquired what had become of his master: to which the boy replied, “that he’s awa to Glasgow to look for a Job, and if he got ane, this ane would be done the morn, and if he didna get ane, he didna ken when it would be done.”
DONALD AND THE LAIRD.
A Scottish Laird and his man, Donald, travelling southward: at the first English inn, the room in where they were to sleep, containing a bed for the master and a truckle for the man, which drew forth from beneath the larger couch. Such furniture being new to the Highlanders, they mistook the four posted pavilion for the two beds, and the Laird mounted the tester, while the man occupied the comfortable lodging below. Finding himself wretchedly cold in the night, the Laird called to Donald to know how he was accommodated. “Ne’er sae weel a’ my life,” quoth the gilly. Ha, man, exclaimed the Laird, “If it was na for the honour of the thing, I could find in my heart to come down.”
GRAVE-DIGGER OF SORN.
The Grave-Digger of Sorn, Ayrshire, was as selfish and as mean a sinner as ever handled mattock, or carried mortcloth. He was a very quarrelous and discontented old man, with a voice like the whistle of the wind thro’ a key hole. On a bleak Sunday afternoon in the country, an acquaintance from a neighbouring parish accosted him one day, and asked how the world was moving with him, “Oh, very puirly, sir, very puirly indeed,” was the answer, “the yard has done naething ava for us this Summer, if ye like to believe me, I havna buriet a leevin’ soul this sax weeks.”