EXPENCE OF A WIFE.
An old bachelor who lived in a very economical style, both as regards food and clothing, and not altogether so very trig as some bachelors sometimes appear, was frequently attacked by his acquaintances on the propriety of taking a wife; he was very smartly set upon one day, and told how snod a wife would keep him, and many other fine things to induce him to take a wife, and among the rest, what a comfort it would be to him, if it was for nothing else, but to mak his puritch in the morning; says he, “I dinna doubt but she wad mak my puritch, put the plauge is, she wad be fair to sup the half o’ them.”
CHARITY.
A person who resides in the ancient town of Killwinning, proverbial for his liberality in meat and drink, to friends and acquaintances; strangers too, seldom passed without experiencing a due share of his kindness; lately while feasting nearly a dozen of random visitors on “Pat Luck,” a beggar called at the door soliciting charity, when he very good humouredly called out, “I canna help you the day, I hae plenty o’ your kin here already.”
DISTINCTION OF SONS AND DAUGHTERS.
About the year thretty-sax, a company differed, “Whether it was better for a man to hae sons or daughters?” They cou’dna gree, but disputed it pro and con. At last, one of them said to Graham of Kinross, (wha hadna yoked wi’ them in the argument,) “Laird, what’s your opinion?” Quo he, “I had three lads and three lasses; I watna whilk o them I liked best sae lang as they sucket their mither; but de’il hae my share o’ the callants, when they came to suck their father.”
BIRD’S NEST.
The mother of a respectable Grocer in a town in the west, called her son to her, while on her death-bed, and declared to him that his reputed father was not really his father; but that such a one (nameing him) really was his father; and that the deed was done one night while journeying from Greenock, when at the Clun-Brae-Head; this story got wing, and ran through the town like wildfire, and was a fine source of amusement for some time. One day, a boy vulgarly named the “Linty,” went into the said Grocer’s shop to purchase some article, when he was assailed with “Weel, Linty, whar is tu gaun to big thy nest the year?” The boy replied, “I was thinkin’ to big it down about the Clun-Brae-head.”
THE GREAT WANT.
A female pauper, lately made a very strong and forcible appeal to the elders and heritors of a certain parish, for an advance of 4s. 6d.—Some one of the grave quorum enquired what made her so urgent on this occasion, when she had lately got a supply of coals, shoes, &c., to this she replied—“Why, deed sirs, it’s just to buy a pair o’ corsets to my daughter Tibboc, ilk lass that’s ocht respectable has them but hersel’, so ye see she canna do wantin them, an’ ye maun e’en let me ha’t sirs.”