1. When thou layest out for such a good on earth, look up to the God of heaven; let him make thy choice for thee, who made his choice of thee. Look above you, before you, about you; nothing makes up the happiness of a married condition, like the holiness of a mortified disposition: account not those the most worthy, that are the most wealthy. Art thou matched to the Lord? Match in the Lord. How happy are such marriages where Christ is at the wedding! Let none but those who have found favour in God’s eyes, find favour in yours.
2. Give God the tribute of your gratulation for your good companions. Take head of paying your rent to a wrong landlord: when you taste of the stream, reflect upon the spring that feeds it. Now thou hast four eyes for thy speculation, four hands for thy operation, four feet for thy abulation, and four shoulders for thy sustentation. What the sin against the Holy Ghost is, in point of divinity, that is unthankfulness, in point of morality, an offence unpardonable. Pity it is, but that moon should be ever in an eclipse, that will not acknowledge her beams to be borrowed from the sun. He that praises not the giver, prizes not the gift. And so I pass from the Agent to the Object, A help.
She must be so much, and no less; and so much, and no more. Our ribs were not ordained to be our rulers. They are not made of the head, to claim superiority; but out of the side, to be content with equality. They desert the Author of nature, who invert the order of nature. The woman was made for the man’s comfort, but the man was not made for the woman’s command. Those Shoulders aspire too high, that content not themselves with a room below their heads. It is between a man and his wife in the house, as it is between the sun and the moon in the heavens, when the greater light goes down the lesser light gets up; when the one ends in setting, the other begins in shining. The wife may be a sovereign in her husband’s absence, but she must be subject in her husband’s presence. As Pharaoh said to Joseph, so should the husband say to his wife, “thou shalt be over my house, and according to thy word shall all my people be ruled, only on the throne will I be greater than thou,” Gen. xli. 40. The body of that household can never make any good motion, whose bones are out of place. The woman must be a help to the man in these four things:—1. To his piety. 2. To his society. 3. To his progeny. 4. To his prosperity. To his piety, by the ferventness of her excitation. To his society, by the fragrantness of her conversation. To his progeny, by the fruitfulness of her education. To his prosperity, by her faithful preservation.
1. To his piety, by the ferventness of her excitation, 1 Pet. ii. 7. Husband and wife should be as the two milch-kine, which were coupled together to carry the ark of God; or as the two cherubims, that looked one upon another, and both upon the mercy-seat; or as the two tables of stone, on each of which were engraven the laws of God. In some families married persons are like Jeremiah’s two basket of figs, the one very good, the other very evil; or like fire and water, whilst the one is flaming in devotion, the other is freezing in corruption. There is a two-fold hinderance of holiness: 1. On the right side. 2. On the left. On the right side; when the wife would run in God’s way, the husband will not let her go; when the fore-horse in a team will not draw, he wrongs all the rest; when the general of an army forbids a march, all the soldiers stand still. Sometimes on the left: How did Solomon’s idolatrous wife draw away his heart from heaven? A sinning wife was Satan’s first ladder, by which he scaled the wall of Paradise, and took away the fort-royal of Adam’s heart from him. Thus she, that should have been the help of his flesh, was the hurt of his faith; his nature’s under-proper, became his grace’s under-miner; and she that should be a crown on the head, is a cross on the shoulders. The wife is often to the husband as the ivy is to the oak, which draws away his sap from him.
2. A help to his society, by the fragrantness of her conversation. Man is an affectionate creature; now the woman’s behaviour should be such towards the man, as to requite his affection by increasing his delectation; that the new-born love may not be ruined before it be rooted. A spouse should carry herself so to her husband, as not to disturb his love by her contention, nor to destroy his love by her alienation. Husband and wife should be like two candles burning together, which makes the house more lightsome; or like two fragrant flowers bound up in one nosegay, that augments its sweetness; or like two well-tuned instruments, which sounding together, make the more melodious music. Husband and wife, what are they but as two springs meeting, and so joining their streams, that they make but one current? It is an unpleasing spectacle to view any contention in that conjunction.
3. To his progeny, by the fruitfulness of her education; that so her children in the flesh may be God’s children in the spirit, 1 Sam. i. 11. Hannah she vows, if the Lord will give her a son, she would give him to the Lord, to serve him. A spouse should be more careful of her children’s breeding, than she should be fearful of her children’s bearing. Take heed, lest these flowers grow in the devil’s garden.—Though you bring them out in corruption, yet do not bring them up to damnation!—Those are not mothers but monsters, that whilst they should be teaching their children the way to heaven with their lips, are leading them the way to hell with their lives. Good education is the best livery you can give them living; and it is the best legacy you can leave them dying. You let out your cares to make them great, O lift up your prayers to make them good, that before you die from them, you may see Christ live in them. Whilst these twigs are green and tender, they should be bowed towards God. Children and servants are in a family, as passengers in a boat; husband and wife, they are as a pair of oars, to row them to their desired haven. Let these small pieces of timber be hewed and squared for the celestial building. By putting a sceptre of grace into their hands, you will set a crown of glory upon their heads.
4. A help to his prosperity, by her faithful preservation, being not a wanderer abroad, but a worker at home. One of the ancients speaks excellently: She must not be a field-wife, like Dinah; nor a street-wife, like Thamar; nor a window-wife, like Jezabel. Phildeas, when he drew a woman, painted her under a snail-shell; that she might imitate that little creature, that goes no further than it can carry its house upon its head. How many women are there, that are not labouring bees, but idle drones; that take up a room in the hive, but bring no honey to it; that are moths to their husbands’ estates, spending when they should be sparing. As the man’s part is, to provide industriously, so the woman’s is, to preserve discreetly; the one must not be carelessly wanting, the other must not be causelessly wanting; the man must be seeking with diligence, the woman must be saving with prudence. The cock and hen both scrape together in the dust-heap, to pick up something for the little chickens. To wind up this on a short bottom.
1. If the woman be a help to the man, then let not the man cast dirt on the woman.
Secundus being asked his opinion of a woman, said, Viri naufragium, domus tempestas, quietus impedimentum, &c. But surely he was a monster and not a man; fitter for a tomb to bury him, than a womb to bear him. Some have styled them to be like clouds in the sky; like motes in the sun; like snuffs in the candle; like weeds in the garden. But it is not good to play the butcher with that naked sex, that hath no arms but for embraces. A preacher should not be silent for those who are silent from preaching: because they are the weaker vessels, shall they be broken all to pieces? Thou that sayest women are evil, it may be thy expression flows from thy experience; but I shall never take that mariner for my pilot, that hath no better knowledge than the splitting of his own ship. Wilt thou condemn the frame of all, for the fault of one? As if it were true logic, because some are evil therefore none are good. He hath ill eyes that disdains all objects. To blast thy helper is to blame thy Maker. In a word, we took our rise from their bowels, and may take our rest in their bosoms.