2. Is the woman to be a help to the man? Then let the man be a help to the woman. What makes some debtors to be such ill pay-masters, but because they look at what is owing to them, but not at what is owing by them. If thou wouldst have thy wife’s reverence, let her have thy respect. To force a tear from this relation, is that which neither benefits the husband’s authority to enjoin, nor the wife’s duty to perform. A wife must not be sharply driven, but sweetly drawn. Compassion may bend her, but compulsion will break her. Husband and wife should act towards each other with consent, not by constraint. There are four things wherein the husband is a meet-help to the wife.
1. In his protection of her from injuries. It is well observed by one, that the rib of which woman was made, was taken from under his arm: As the use of the arm is to keep off blows from the body, so the office of the husband is to ward off blows from the wife. The wife is the husband’s treasury, and the husband the wife’s armoury. In darkness he should be her sun, for direction; in danger he should be her shield for protection.
2. In his providing for her necessities. The husband must communicate maintenance to the wife, as the head conveys influence to the members; thou must not be a drone, and she a drudge. A man in a married estate, is like a chamberlain in an inn, there is knocking for him in every room. Many persons in that condition, waste that estate in luxury, which should supply their wife’s necessity. They have neither the faith of a Christian, nor the love of a husband! It is a sad spectacle to see a virgin sold with her own money unto slavery, when services are better than marriages; the one receives wages, whilst the other buy their fetters.
3. In his covering of her infirmities. Who would trample upon a jewel, because it is fallen in the dirt, or throw away a heap of wheat for a little chaff, or despise a golden wedge, because it retains some dross? These roses have some prickles. Now husbands should spread a mantle of charity over their wives’ infirmities. They be ill birds that defile their own nests. It is a great deal better you should fast than feast yourselves upon their failings. Some husbands are never well longer than they are holding their fingers in their wife’s sores. Such are like crows, that fasten only upon carrion. Do not put out the candle because of the snuff. Husbands and wives should provoke one-another to love; and they should love one-another notwithstanding of provocation. Take heed of poisoning those springs from whence the streams of your pleasure flow.
4. By his delighting in her society: a wife takes sanctuary not only in her husband’s house, but in his heart. The tree of love should grow up in the family, as the tree of life grew up in the garden of Eden. They that choose their love, should love their choice. They that marry where they affect not, will affect where they marry not. Two joined together without love, are but tied together to make one another miserable. And so I pass to the last stage of the text, A help-meet.
‘A help,’ there is her fallness; ‘A meet-help,’ there is her fitness. The angels were too much above him; the inferior creatures too much below him; he could not step up to the former, nor could he stoop down to the latter; the one was out of his reach, the other was out of his race; but the woman is a parallel line drawn equal with him. Meet she must be in three things.
1. In the harmony of her disposition. Husband and wife should be like the image in a looking-glass, that answers in all properties to the face that stands before it; or like an echo, that returneth the voice it receiveth. Many marriages are like putting new wine into old bottles. An old man is not a meet-help for a young woman: He that sets a grey head upon green shoulders, hath one foot in the grave and another in the cradle: Yet, how many times do you see the spring of youth wedded to the winter of old age?—A young man is not a meet-help for an old woman; raw flesh is but an ill plaister for rotten bones. He that in his non-age marries another in her dotage, his lust hath one wife in possession, but his love another in reversion.
2. In heraldry of her condition. Some of our European nations are so strict in their junctions, that it is against their laws for the commonality to couple with the gentry. It was well said by one, “If the wife be too much above her husband, she either ruins him by her vast expenses, or reviles him with her base reproaches; if she be too much below her husband, either her former condition makes her too generous, or her present mutation makes her too imperious.”—Marriages are styled matches, yet amongst those many that are married, how few are there that are matched! Husbands and wives are like locks and keys, that rather break than open, except the wards be answerable.
3. In the holiness of her religion. If adultery may seperate a marriage contracted, idolatry may hinder a marriage not perfected. Cattle of divers kinds were not to ingender. 2 Cor. vi. 14. Be not unequally yoked, &c. It is dangerous taking her for a wife, who will not take God for a husband. It is not meet that one flesh should be of two spirits. Is there never a tree thou likest in the garden but that which bears forbidden fruit? There are but two channels in which the remaining streams shall run:—1. To those men that want wives, how to choose them. 2. To those women who have husbands, how to use them.