Tom. And how did you carry your potatoes home from the market?
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I carried the horse and them both, besides a big loaf, and two bottles of wine: for I put the old horse on my back, and drove the potatoes before me: and when I tied the load to the loaf, I had nothing to do but to carry the bottle in my hand: but bad luck to the way as I came home, for a nail out of the heal of my foot sprung a leak in my brogue, which pricked the very bone, bruised the skin, and made my brogue itself to blood: and I having no hammer by me, but a hatchet I left at home, I had to beat down the nail with the bottom of the bottle: and by the book, dear shoy, it broke to pieces, and scattered the wine in my mouth.
Tom. And how did you recompense your master for the loss of your bottle of wine?
Teag. Arra dear shoy, I had a mind to cheat him, and myself too, for I took the bottle to a blacksmith, and desired him to mend it, that I might go to the butcher and get it full of bloody water, but he told me he could not work in any thing but steel and iron. Arra, said I, if I were in my own kingdom, I could get a blacksmith who would make a bottle out of a stone, and a stone out of nothing.
Tom. And how did you trick your master out of it?
Teag. Why the old rogue began to chide me, asking me what way I broke it, then I held up the other as high as my head, and let it fall to the ground on a stone, which broke it all in pieces likewise: now, said I, master, that’s the way, and then he beat me very heartily, until I had to shout out mercy and murder all at once.
Tom. Why did you not leave him when he used you so badly.
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I could never think to leave him while I could eat, he gave me so many good victuals, and promised to prefer me to be his own bone-picker. But by shaint Patrick, I had to run away with my life or all was done, else I had lost my dear shoul and body too by him, and then I came home much poorer than I went away. The great big bitch dog which was my master’s best beloved, put his head into a pitcher to lick out some milk, and when it was in he could not get it out, and I to save the pitcher got the hatchet and cut off the dog’s head, and then I had to break the pitcher to get out the head; by this I lost both the dog and the pitcher. My master, hearing of this, swore he would cut the head off me, for the poor dog was made useless, and could not see to follow any body for want of his eyes: And when I heard of this, I ran away with my own head, for if I had wanted it I had lost my eyes too, then I would not have seen the road to Port Patrick, through Glen-nap, but by shaint Patrick I came home alive in spite of them all.
Tom. O rarely done Pady, you behaved like a man, but what is the reason that you Irish people swear always by shaint Patrick, what is this shaint Patrick?
Teag. Arra, dear honey, he was the best shaint in the world, the father of all good people in the kingdom, he has a great kindness for an Irishman, when he hears him calling on his name; he was the first that sow’d the potatoes in Ireland, for he knew it was a bit of good fit ground, it being a gentleman’s garden before Noah’s flood.