Q. What is the cause of the poor dominie’s pride?
A. As he is a teacher of the young and ignorant, he supposes no man knows what he knows, the boys call him master therefore he thinks himself a great man.
Q. What sort of a song is it that is sung without a tongue, and its notes are understood by people of all nations?
A. It is a fart which every person knows to be but wind.
Q. What is the reason that young people are vain, giddy-headed, and airy, and not so humble as the children of former years?
A. Because they are brought up and educat after a more haughty strain, by reading fables, plays, novels, and romances; gospel books, such as the psalm-book, proverbs, and the catechisms are like old almanacks; nothing in vogue, but fiddle, flute, Troy and Babylonish tunes; our plain English corrupted with beauish cants, dont, wont, nen, and ken, a jargon worse than the Yorkshire dialect.[162]
Q. Why is swearing become so common amongst the Scot people?
A. Because so many lofty teachers come from the south amongst us, where swearing is practised in its true grammatical perfection, hot oaths, new struck, with as bright a lustre as a new quarter guinea.
Q. How will you know the bones of a mason’s mare at the back of a dyke amongst the bones of a hundred dead horses.
A. Because it is made of wood.